Update I (17m) don’t know how to tell my dad (42m) that my step mom (37f) hates me

Link to previous post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/widc9q/update_i_17m_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_dad_42m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Hey I thought I would update since my psychiatrist said it was ok I could.

For all the support and advice received, I really appreciate and wholeheartedly so grateful for all who dm me to see how I was, thank you.

This will be long cause a lot has happened but many things are still not resolved. TRIGGER WARNING i will mention self harm, so please if it might trigger you pls don’t read further

I wish I was able to say I followed the advice that was provided and now everything is better but some things in life don’t play the way we want it to and we can either let it destroy us or make us better.

After writing my edit where my SM was taking my things away and assuming I was on drugs I started recording on my phone and she said a lot through the door, many things about my mom and me, and just plain hateful words that I don’t want to repeat on here. I fell asleep while I was barricading the door with my body when my dad demanded me to open the door, at this point I don’t remember much of what happened but my SM told me I had to leave the house and my dad agreed. I didn’t know who to call but I decided to call my coach and he picked me up, and I was a crying mess. He didn’t ask any question but just told me that I was safe and if I need to talk he was here for me, I stayed over one night when the next day, dad picked me up, SM was not at home when we got there. Dad told me we needed to talk.

We had breakfast and my dad spoke to me about many things my SM told him and I couldn’t believe all the lies she told him. It was a long talk but in summary it was:

• My use of drugs and alcohol
• How I disrespect her in our home
• I don’t do my responsibilities like chores at home
• I’m nasty to her when Dad is not around

He asked me why I was acting like this and if I had a problem with SM I should’ve spoke to him. I let him talk and when he was crying and asked if I had anything to say. I was so lost for word I knew whatever I said my dad was on my SM side. So I told him I wanted him to watch the recording of the incident that I can send through as an email attachment and the link to my reddit post and than we can talk more, I also said I didn’t want to be here when he was reading and watching so I’ll go for a drive and he can txt me when he’s done and ready to talk. He was hesitant at first but I told him it was important to me so he agreed and I left in my car to the beach and sent the email with the video attached and the link to my reddit post.

I don’t know how long I waited but many thoughts were going through my head, I was missing my mom so much and what if my dad still sided with my SM what can I do now? I fell asleep at the beach spot and was woken up by a police officer knocking on my car door and asking for my name, after confirming my name he advised me to get out my car and to hand over my keys to him and to follow him to his car, he handcuffed me and assured me that I wasn’t in trouble but this was a welfare check cause someone made a call that I was possibly suicidal, I didn’t talk after he told me that and all I remember was just crying. He made me sit in the back of the police car until the ambulance came and they took me to the hospital. I was asked many questions and was evaluated and was told I was depressed and may have extreme anxiety. The physician did say I might have other things but will require further testing and some sessions with a psychiatrist.

My dad came and visited me while in hospital and when I saw him he looked really tired. When he spoke it sounded like he was crying and he told me he called the police on me because the video recording I did, he heard everything my SM said but he also saw my cuts on my thighs and was scared and thought the worst. Honestly I never watched the video so I didn’t know my thighs were visible.

After our cry we spoke about a few things. I told my dad that I don’t feel comfortable living with SM after everything she said and done to me over the years, and I’m not sure I can handle being around her cause I don’t trust her. We spoke about arrangements and knowing my dad still loves my SM and I didn’t want him to choose between us, i told him that I could talk to Coach if I could stay with him, and after calling him he agreed. I’ve also been admitted to an agency that will support me cause I am mentally unwell. I have been to 1 session and waiting on another evaluation to be done on me and some testings with my GP so they can diagnose me.

I’m currently staying with my rugby coach who has been an amazing pillar. He has set out some house rules but I respect the fella and don’t mind following them. My coach even set a date next week for me and dad to catch up on. My coach is an awesome dude, I thought of him as just a coach who just wanted our rugby team to win but when he allowed me to stay over he showed so much care for me and I saw a side to him and understand how much he cares for my team, he has a lovely wife but I’m kinda anxious whenever it’s just me and her at their house.

That’s it right now, my dad lives at home with my SM and is trying to sort that out. I have many appointments to get the help I need and alot of school work to catch up on and rugby trainings to attend. I’ve taken a leave of absence from my maccas job. I’m gonna miss going to the beach for a while but I understand that it’s not a forever thing so I hope that the next time I go there I’m not crying my eyes out. Im kinda working on being ok if my dad and SM after those of you who shared your similar experiences, some day I’ll be ok.

Thank you all who advised me and encouraged me. Those who reached out through DM, thank you for the kind words and reaching out. I’m not sure if I’ll update again but maybe I’ll let you know if something happens in the future.

Take care everyone, also be kind to one another and most of all be kind to yourself cause you deserve it

TLDR i showed my dad my reddit post and recording of my SM being verbally abusive and now I’m staying at my coaches house trying to sort out my mental health

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* This article was originally published here

My wife (30) and I (32) have a crush on the same person

Not really a venting or complaining post, just a funny situation we just found ourselves in. To get it out of the way, my wife is literally my best friend in the entire world and we’ve never fought about anything in our 9 year relationship. We’d do anything for each other and could not be happier together. That being said, I also have a group of friends I’ve known for over 12 years and we are beyond close as well. We’re a group of 3 couples and when we are together we could legitimately take on the world. Everyone just becomes the best versions of themselves, full of confidence and love and you could take any combination of us 6 and everyone gets along equally. In particular though, my friend’s wife and I are essentially the same person and connect on many things that only the two of us understand. Never really any sexual attraction, but when everyone gets super drunk the two of us just go down a rabbit hole of our interests and it can get lightly flirty at times. To be completely clear to the reddit psychologists out there, this has been going on for 10+ years and any jealously between anyone that existed is long gone. Her husband is my best friend in the world and even busts our balls about it because he knows there is nothing serious about it. Now I will say I do feel bad about it at times because I never want my wife to feel that she isn’t as close with me as I am with my friends wife, but again any sense of insecurity on her end is also long gone because she knows I would do anything in the world for her and would fucking die for her without a second thought.

So with all that background out of the way, here is the real interesting part. My wife and my friends wife have started doing the same thing together! So instead me and her going down the rabbit hole, the two of them are connecting on deep stuff and are forming their own little pseudorelationship late at night. A few weeks ago it literally looked like a string was tied around those two and my wife was making little nervous smiles and laughs at times. I couldn’t help but laugh because I knew exactly how she was feeling. The next day I jokingly busted her by saying “wife…you were crushing pretty hard last night on (friend’s wife).” She immediately turned red and I burst out laughing. Like I said before, my friend’s wife and I are pretty much the same person so it would only make sense that my wife is attracted to those same qualities and another reason I am not jealous and am just enjoying her newfound romantic confusion.

So not really looking for advice or hoping for anyone to psychoanalyze the situation because there is no way anyone is going to be able to explain the relationship I have with my friends and wife to me, but thought it was a funny situation I’d share. Not sure if anyone else has had a similar situation and a story on how it turned out but would love to hear it.

TLDR: my wife now fully understands the reasons for my slight crush on my friend

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Right person, wrong time?

Right Person, Wrong Time?

I (21M) truly believe I may have found my Soulmate (21F) and yes, I know, maybe you think I’m too young to feel this way but believe me when I say I don’t use that word lightly.

She and I are so excellently matched and when I’m with her the biggest problems become the most tiny imperfections, time flies by, the last 9 months have seemed like maybe 3 at best. I think of her and a smile comes to my face.

Yet I am plagued with thoughts saying it isn’t going to last, the two of you are going to change, you will grow apart, you should break up with her now rather than breaking her heart later.

I’ll admit these thoughts are souring my feelings a bit and making me worry.

So I suppose what my question is, am I chasing a pipe dream? I know I should be happy in the moment and focus on the here and now but I suppose I’ve always been more focused on the long term.

The one thing I will say is I WANT it to work out with her.

TL;DR: I want it to work out with my GF, I suppose I worry that I’ve met her too soon.

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* This article was originally published here

Im (M34) my gf (F30) brags, moans, and shoves down my throat about how she works all the time

My gf got a new job and has been there for newly 2 years. Sometimes she works weekends (by choice). She says she wants to do weekends for the extra money for savings. She has to travel by train (less than an hour) to get to work. 9-4.30pm full time job. She does admin work.

So with me, I work as a web developer, I get to work from home a lot, but I've often done overtime which isn't paid for. When i do have to go into the office its 3hrs away.

I didn't like my old job & quit, so i got a new job. But I don't start my new job till next week. So ive had 2 weeks off.

NOW HERES THE PROBLEM with my gf.

She often complains and moans how tired she is when we meet for the weekends. If i suggest something or say anything to do with getting stuff done outside of work hours its: "How am i supposed to do that?" "I don't have time! I'm working!" "Your at home, you have time to do that!" Etc etc.

She often makes me feel guilty for being able to work from home, having time off when she's working, and being very condescending and belittling what i do in my spare time because she works.

It honestly just makes me feel like i just don't wanna be around her. By the way she talks its almost like she doesn't like working at all. But she'll use work to to hold over peoples heads. I feel like she values work more than me.

Now for those wondering, i do make more money than her, by a lot. Im 34 and have done my share of hard work for years since i was 17. I never made a big deal about it to anyone.

We live in separate apartments.

I surprised her last weekend at a really expensive restaurant to wind down and treat ourselves for the hard work. But on the way back home, within conversation she did it again.

Me: "when it gets really hot in the summer i feel like i can't even move in my apartment, i just lay there"

Her: "just lay there, was is that? I have to go to work man, Im working"

At this point i snapped an just told her so what, and to stfu. She almost ruined an amazing day.

Its really frustrating. The last couple of days I've been off I've felt guilty. I feel unappreciated, i work hard to make the money i spend on dates, and pay my bills. And in the end i just get disrespected. It makes me feel like i don't wanna be around her because it keeps happening.

Tldr: girlfriend makes me feel guilty for having time off work and acts very condescending and belittling my spare time. Even though i make more money and have slaved for decades of my own life.

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reasons to Take an ex Back? gf broke Up bcs i Had less Time (w22/m24) what can i do?

Hey what are reasons why you would Take an ex Back, you Just lost feelings for because He was Just Not so available (didnt See Each Others in 4 weeks) and Had much work to do.

Gf broke Up because she was Always reaching out, sceduling Dates (80/20%). And i didnt have that much time.

In our relationship was No violence, betrayl or anything Like that.

Our meet ups we're Always Nice, We Had a good time and i also got to know her Family and some Friends. She invited me to her Birthday But i couldnt come since i was Out of time.

She also asked to Go for Dinner with her parents. I also Had No Time (finishing my studies right now).

(Maybe i Should mention that shes got bpd probably because she Made Bad expiriences in her youth 13-15)

A week ago WE meet Up and sze told me that she couldnt Go on with since WE Had different perspectives on Relationships, she wanted to See me more Often, told her i didnt have much time lately.

The Same evening i asked her if we could Talk again, she Said she Had to sleep over and consider.

The next day she Said that she Had distanced Herself emotionally from me in the 30 days WE didnt See Each Other cause she was Out of town.. And she couldnt Change that so easily. But she was thanking me for the good Times WE Had.

I responded that i think WE Had the Same needs concerning closeness and that id Loved to See her more Often but i Just didnt have time. Furthermore that i Accept IT but dont want IT, Love her, want to See her again and Sort Things Out. And that If she Changed her mind she can contact me.

She didnt reached Out by then (1 week).

Anything i can do? What are reasons for you to Take your ex Back?

TL DR: Gf broke Up, bcs i was Less available. WE Always Had a good time. Cant See her for 2 months/ shes traveling. Any Chances ? What to do?

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I (19F) don't know how to help my sister (23F) grow up.

My older sister (22 years old) has just finished university, and yet she still acts like a child. She's obsessed with fantasy games and YA books, which is all she does all day. Now these would be perfectly fine as interests, but ever since she's been home this is all she's done.

She doesn't help around with the chores in the house, as she stays up late playing games, so only wakes up at 1pm, once we're already having lunch. Whenever you ask her to do anything, she complains and asks you why you don't do it since you're already up. Or, she claims she's feeling tired, has a migraine, has a stomachache, truly any excuse imaginable. She's constantly bothered by some apparent affliction that prevents her from doing anything but playing games on her phone or watching the same tv shows over and over.

She also has retained weird behaviors from our childhood. We used to have "assigned seating", which if I don't respect she gets insanely angry about, to the point that she'll become physically aggressive. She is very territorial over her belongings, including basic items like cups, which she does not allow me to use.

She is meant to look for a job, but is stalling on doing so. She claims that she "needs time" and can't rush things, which really ties in with her inability to budget, as she spends huge amounts monthly. She has a general lack of understanding of finances and monetary value. She says that she'll just "open a company", with no plan, no idea of the workings of a business. My parents and I keep on trying to tell her that she needs to change, but she's stubborn, asserting that her spending is normal, and that the rest of her friends are taking a break before working. It's getting concerning.

I don't know how to help her. She has a tunnel vision when it comes to her life. Whenever me and my parents give her advice, she bursts out crying like a child, saying that "she doesn't want to talk about this right now" and goes upstairs on her phone again. It's truly tiring me out. I'm tired of feeling concerned each time I look at her, but I want her to get out of this rut and grow and develop. How can I help her see that she needs to change her attitude to life?

TL;DR: my sister refuses to grow up, not letting go of old childish habits and refusing to develop an understanding of budgeting/to get a job. I don't know how to help her see that she needs to change.

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I [26F] thought I would be child-free forever. I married my husband [31M] who was child-free too, but over the years I’ve realised I want a child, and I want it to be his. He’s adamant that he doesn’t want to split up, but I know he doesn’t want a child at this stage. Can I just wait and see….?

We’ve been together for 5 years.

We both agreed from meeting one another that we didn’t want children. My husband doesn’t want children in part because of his mental health and in part because of his deep desire for stability. However, he thinks we’d make good parents and would otherwise have a bit of an ethical obligation to have children as we think we’d raise good people

I didn’t want children because I’m young, and I grew up in a narcissistic household and had my own mental health issues (anxiety, worthlessness, etc) and just didn’t think I would.

I’m still growing and have years until I’d plan to have a child, but I know I’ve healed in many important ways, and now I feel like I have a lot of love and effort to give to raising a person. I want to spend my time slowly becoming more capable and prepared to have a child (financially, emotionally, etc)

My husband doesn’t share this perspective at this time. Do I need him to? He prefers not to have children, he doesn’t want children. But he says he knows what I want, understands it, and would never leave me over this. He would be happier with me having a child than being apart.

This tears me up inside because initially, I wouldn’t want our child coming into this world with a father who wasn’t motivated on his own to be a father. I wouldn’t risk that resentment, or the child feeling unwanted

But then, knowing my husband as well as I do, he’d be amazing, the child would never be unwanted. He’d love the child, be incredibly involved, learn every day to be a good father. It’s just the way he approaches life, and I’m sure of it.

So, I guess my concern is over whether staying together and seeing how this goes over time is reasonable, or if I’m just delaying the inevitable (breakup) out of my own feelings of desperation

I really, really want to be with him. I also really, really want to raise a child with him.

tl;dr: Husband doesn’t want kids, I didn’t, now I do. He doesn’t want to leave me, and could see himself having a kid with me. I feel bad about this - would it be unwise to stick it out for a couple years and see how we go?

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* This article was originally published here