My (23 MtF) LDR bf (18M) hasnt messaged me in 3 weeks. Has a history of weeks long depressive ruts and shutting off

I haven't heard of him in 3 weeks now (since Sep.9th) and he's been on and off with him having depressive ruts. Having his best friend go to uni and losing him as a co-worker (they worked in the same place together), he has said before he feels like a failure (though he's been training for Special Forces for AF Special Recon with his coaches when he ships out in the future) but recently he's been slowly recovering from it, with him going to the gym recently from when he last messaged. He often tells me he doesn't deserve me, is not a good partner romantically, saying he's wishy washy in being emotionally available but I repeatedly would reassure him that we'd go through it together. He says he tends to shut off when he goes through ruts of depression, last time being only several days and it really makes me anxious if he ghosted me (even he assures me I never annoy him or would never ghost me), apologizing when he does have depression and shut off when he msg's me and even called himself a jerk.

We've been going on for a month right now talking everyday until depression would get the best of him.

He would express his gratitude in telling me I'm the best when it comes to supporting him, since he is usually the type of guy to not dump his emotions as much, but is more like a listener. Should I just give him space since I'd messaged him but he hasn't responded back since Sep.9th? It's making me fill with anxiety and I'm losing sleep just overthinking about it all day I've been hurt by a lot of guys before and it depresses me to go back to square one if he has ghosted me.

I also would check funeral homes in his local area to check if something bad happened to him and if he died... and I hate this anxiety that I have.

TLDR:

Bf not messaging in 3 weeks, has a history of depressive ruts for weeks and has a tendency to shut off, should I think he given up on us?

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* This article was originally published here

Am I (30f) doing the right thing for my bf (28m)?

My bf is studying for his physical therapist certification exam. He is super anxious about it and has even told me that he needs me to push him a little to study because it's affecting him so much he gets scared to study. We haven't set a date for the test yet because I believe he needs to go into it with better confidence.

However, whenever I bring up studying it becomes clear that I have ruined his whole mood. He stops smiling and becomes distant. I don't take it personally because I know he's just so anxious about it but has told me on multiple occasions that he needs me to be on top of him about this. I don't nag and I don't bring it up everyday or when we're having fun or out with friends, etc.

The thing is that he keeps putting a lot of energy into other projects, which I've supported because it's good for him to express himself. But today I brought up the question, as kindly as I could, if maybe he is using all of these projects as a way to avoid studying. He didn't respond and changed the subject before heading out, not angrily or anything, but clearly down.

I'm not sure what the best approach is here. I've asked if maybe he should talk to a therapist but money is really tight right now. I've asked if he wants me to back off with the studying but he always says no because he knows that he needs to do it. I'm seriously at a loss here about what to do. He has already taken a break from it all for a few months, which I supported because I knew that medical school had been so draining.

I just have no idea how I can help him. Any advice would be appreciated.

Tl;dr: bf asks me to remind him to study but gets upset and distant whenever I do and I don't know how else to help him.

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* This article was originally published here

Me (20M) has a phat crush on my flatmate (F20) things did happen but she called it off

So basically I'm a uni student and around February time I needed to start looking for a place to live for this current uni year that just started. I decided to move in with my best mate/roommate for the previous years and 2 of his mates I'd not met. We signed the contract and everything and then around spring time I thought I should hang out with his mates. Straight away I had a massive crush on, lets just call her x. me and x got on extremely well and tbh kinda flirty but at the time she had a bf. The more we hung out the more my feeling grew. Then in summer she broke up with her bf and I was the first person she came to to talk about it. I'm not an arsehole so I didn't try anything. A few months went by and my feelings still very much there and she was getting more flirty by the day. We were texting 24/7 and even facetiming some nights. Then just before we move in I tell her how i feel to try and make it less awkward for me but she said she feels the same and things happen. We move in and get very intimate, something I've wanted for a long time. This lasts about 2 weeks before one night we go out, have a really good time, very flirty and coupley we go to bed together, i wake up the next morning, go to work, kiss her goodbye. But then I get a text saying she can't do it anymore. when i get back we talk about it in person and again I'm not an arsehole so I don't try and fight it if she doesn't want it she doesn't want it but tbh I'm really struggling. She gave me everything i wanted and then took it back with a snap of a finger. Normally I'd be chill after a few days but i live with her and can hear her laughing and watching tv with my best mate and stuff like that. I purposely haven't left my room much because I've now got crazy anxiety about seeing her, i feel sick and trapped in my own house. It's not her fault and I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish i could go back to being friends that easy but I've never had a crush this intense before. Has anyone ever had anything like this before/have any advice to make me more conformable and to get rid of my feeling quickly.

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TL:DR; Had a crush on a girl for a while, and chose to live with her before I'd really met her. confessed my feelings just before we moved in, and she said she felt the same was great for 2 weeks then she ended it now don't know what to do

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* This article was originally published here

Brother (32m) wants me (25f) to make up with toxic sister (27f) before his wedding or not come

Six months ago I had a massive fight with my sister over my life choices. I don't feel that the choices I made were wrong, but there were things I said mid-argument that were over the line. She was living with me at the time, she moved out without a word the next day. I called to apologise but she blocked me. I sent her an email and she replied "Thanks.". We've seen each other twice since then. The first time I tried to talk to her, and she told me to fuck off. The second time I didn't even try, which was just as well as she told our brother she was going to just tell me to fuck off again if I tried talking to her.

Having had some time to reflect, and some therapy, I have come to the conclusion that my life is better without my sister in it. I know that sounds horrible, but when she was in my life I was always worried about her, what she was doing, and what she'd think of my life. My siblings (38m, 32m, 27f, me, 17f, and 1f) and I all have issues, but she's the only sibling who I feel worse after talking to, because when I talk to her she tends to just take digs at my life choices. I'm just not sure what my presence in her life, and vice versa, will do at this point to make things better.

Our older brother (32m) is getting married just before the new year. I'm very happy for him, and am in theory very excited to come to the wedding, but he's now said that unless I make up with our sister, neither of us are invited. I've said I won't be hostile, I just won't speak to her, and he's said that isn't good enough, we're his sisters, he loves us and wants us to have a relationship. I feel forced into this, because I love my brother and want to be there for him, and I do love my sister, but I don't feel the need to apologise, particularly as my sister has a habit of expecting an apology without giving one back, and she said things in that argument, too, that I don't believe she feels bad for.

I want to go to my brother's wedding, and be there for him on his day. I'm also going to be bringing 1f and 17f who live with me, plus my son (4m), so if I don't go 1f and 4m can't go and 17f will have to go alone, which she isn't comfortable with, but I can't agree to reconcile with my older sister when I have no reason to believe she's changed, and aside from the comments made during the argument, which I have already apologised for, I have done nothing wrong. I have already tried to say this to my brother once, and he said that he has bigger things to deal with than our petty argument, and this is our thing to work out, even though he's the one who wants it resolved and it isn't petty.

What is my best route out of this situation, ideally one that still lets me go to his wedding?

TL;DR: Brother getting married and wants me to resolve issues with our sister before the wedding. I feel that my issues with our sister are better left unresolved but he doesn't want to hear it. I still really want to attend his wedding but not if it means catering to sister.

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* This article was originally published here

My (29F) mom (69F) is driving me completely insane and it's damaging our relationship

Me and my mom have always been close since I was a kid. She's a lovely lady who always made me and my older sister her number one focus. We always grew up feeling loved and had a great childhood.

As I've become an adult, as with all parental relationships our relationship has changed to a more friend sort of relationship. I moved away to College at 18 but we would call each other most days and see each other maybe once every 2 weeks. After College I moved in with my boyfriend who I've lived with every since. We kept up the calls and regular visits.

As time has passed, I've noticed negative quirks with my mom. She has always been incredibly chatty, but it feels like it's gotten to a point where when we talk, its a one way conversation. When in a group, it feels like she dominates. If anyone begins a topic, she'll pivot it to what she wants to talk about and then just barrage everyone with stories about her life for hours. She HATES when anyone tries to do this to her, and accuses them of talking over her or being rude.

Just in general, now instead of being happy to see her, I worry that shes going to do something embarrassing or just dominate the situation to the point where it feels like theres no point in even doing it. It feels like all my friends, my partners family and friends etc all "know" what she's like and have accepted it, but laugh at her behind her back. To a degree I do this too, it feels like the only way I can cope with it. Me and my sister frequently talk to each other for hours about how she's driving us crazy.

I think elements of these negatives have always existed its not like she's completely changed, but it feels like over the last 5 years or so, these negative quirks have intensified to the point where when we talk, I literally feel like she doesn't give a shit about anything I do or have to say. It's like shes bottled up a month of conversation topics in her head and then when we talk she unleashes them on me like a tidal wave.

She's also incredibly awkward when we're out. She will argue with all wait staff in restaurants we go to. Her food is too cold, its too hot, its not cooked enough, its overcooked. Either she has the worst luck of anyone I have ever met, or theres more to it than this. She isn't rude and berating to the staff, but its just so embarrassing. She'll just start talking to the wait staff about stupid things that they don't care about as well, just like she does with everyone else. When we go out with my parents and other people, I feel so ashamed. If we're in stores and the opportunity arises, she'll start talking to strangers about something for ages.

2 years ago, I snapped at her when I was having lunch with her and my dad. I told her that she didn't listen to me and I feel like she doesn't care at all. That she was selfish, and our talks are just for her. This really upset her and made her cry (my dad stayed out of the conversation entirely). I felt bad, but sometimes you just have to say these things I feel.

Last night, we had an argument about something petty and when we got off the phone I think it all just hit me at once and I cried for an hour. She hasnt changed since I told her 2 years ago, if anything she's even worse that she's even been.

I'm supposed to be going to dinner with her and my dad next week and I'm absolutely dreading it. I know I'm not going to get a word in. I actually think, because I always see my parents together, I probably haven't had a real conversation with my dad for years because she is so dominant in every conversation that neither of us are able to properly talk when shes around. This is absolutely crushing me as I love my dad so much.

My partner thinks that part of this is that she struggles with loneliness in retirement (she's been retired for 9 years, whereas my dad still goes to work every day) and this causes her to bottle up stuff she wants to talk about.

How can I even approach this? It's like she doesn't understand conversations are supposed to be 2 sided. I feel like I've completely lost my mom, and any attempt to reconcile the situation is going to result in her completely denying it and arguing she doesn't act this way, or breaking down in tears, only for 2 years to pass again with nothing changing. How do you teach social skills to someone whos almost 70 years old?!

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TLDR: My mom talks at people making all convos one sided and embarassing me in front of friends. How do I approach this without making her cry and not change?

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* This article was originally published here

(M29) I’m desperate to touch a woman

I hate myself and I hate life right now. I want to feel a woman’s touch so badly. I almost picked up my phone and called and escort. I’m just afraid of getting in trouble with the law. Anyways I went to a strip club for the first time today. I told myself I was just going to pay for a dance and then leave.

I walked up to one of the strippers and asked how much she charged and then I agreed to pay. Long story short she ended up dancing with other guys but she never danced with me. I’m so upset right now. I haven’t been this upset in a long time. When she was on stage shaking her ass in my face I was so fucking ready to get a lap dance. I haven’t felt a woman’s touch in years. I just desperately want to feel some curves. I was ready to pay for it. For whatever reason she didn’t let me dance with her and she went home.

I can’t even masturbate right now. I feel pathetic as fuck for touching myself when I could have had a woman touching me. I hate life. I won’t even have a chance to try again until Wednesday night. Fuck. Life sucks balls. I was going to give her so much money too. I know I’m lonely and desperate as fuck but I feel like I need this.

Tl;dr I can’t even get a lap dance

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I (15m) am not sure about going back to a situationship with this girl (15f) who I really like

Okay, so there's this girl. She's - quite amazing. She's the best woman i've ever met. She's pretty, she's smart, she has a great sense of humor, great sarcasm, incredibly supportive, nice flirt-to-roast ratio, nice style. Thinking about her and the memories we have makes me smile. We knew each other through a mutual friend and started talking in Feb 2022.

I started falling for her in March 2022, where we held hands, shared a few hugs and were generally flirty. However, she started giving me mixed signals on if I should ask her out. This went into April 2022, where she made it clear that she wasnt interested, and I told her I was moving on from her, because I also made it clear that I was interested. So, she gave me mixed singals and essentially played with me for two months, despite not having bad intentions while doing so (will get to why she didnt have bad intensions later). Anyways, with the school year ending in May 2022, I decided to stop talking to her altogether, because I clearly wasnt moving on from her and was still hung up on her.

She tried to contact me during our summer breaks (June 2022 & July 2022), however, I kept on giving her signals that I did not want to interact with her. I had essentially villainized her in my mind as a woman who plays with guys' feelings. I almost got over her by the end of summer break, but then August 2022 rolled around and this time I could not avoid her. She kept on trying to make convo and I started interacting with her occasionally. That was enough for the feelings to rise back. I started avoiding her in school, until she essentially got mad at me for trying to be "friends" with me.

Anyways, she contacted that mutual friend I mentioned earlier (who we met through) and through her asked her to meet me on the 26th of August. We spent around 40 minutes talking about what all had happened since Feb 2022, where she said that she liked me during that time, and still had some feelings left for me, and was willing to try in a situationship with me (for those unaware, its where you both like each other but arent public and/or dating). I was shocked, I was absolutely surprised. I asked her why she didn't tell me, and she said that it takes time for her to like someone, owing to trauma shes had from previous likings. At this time, I told her that she gave me alot of information to process and that I'd get back to her about us being in a situationship. She hugged me, and said she really loved me and called me cute, I was absolutely smitten even though I knew she didnt mean the love part, it was just more of a way of showing that she really missed me.

Fast forward to a few days ago, and I had sensed alot of tension building up within us. I asked her what was going on, and I explained why I stopped talking to her after June, July and August (becuase I couldnt be friends with her because I'd still have feelings and needed time to move on) she paragraphed me about how shes confused and she doesnt want me to stick around while she figures out her feelings and she asked me to move on, because she knew I liked her too much to stay just friends with her.

So I had no other option but to say that we ghost each other until I was over her nad was ready to be friends again, until she sorted her feelings out. However, 3 hours after we said we'd ghost each other, she asked me to stay, saying that she absolutely loathed the fact that she even asked me to leave her, and that she made a mistake by asking me to leave, saying that she wanted to hug me and wanted me to stay. So I told her to give me some time to think about it.

Now, idk about you but I see something problematic here. I just like her too much to leave her, and it's giving the wrong idea to her if I tell her that I want to stay. I really want to, and I want to try with her. I'd be willing to try with her again and again if it meant for a chance for us to stay together. But, what does that say about my character and my self respect? Do i get back with her as a situationship or not?

TLDR: I keep going back and forth with this girl and am concerned what this says about me as a person.

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* This article was originally published here