F27 and m27 with completely different views on sex and intimacy. Does sex naturally come from being kind, sweet, and going out of your way for your partner or does sex need to happen in order to want to be good to your partner ?

My partner and I have completely different views of this. He tells me he can’t give me what I need on an emotional level unless he’s getting sex. That means he can’t and doesn’t want to go out of his way for me, saying kind things to me, or help me out with things unless it leads to sex. He says he doesn’t want to put the work in unless it’s going to result in something.

I, on the other hand, feel that being kind and sweet to one another is a prerequisite to sex. I don’t want to be having sex with someone who’s not treating me correctly. He says it’s my responsibility to be fucking him and that I owe him sex because I’m the only person he can get it from.

TLDR: Am I wrong for thinking emotional connection and build up are what leads to sex? Is it crazy that my partner expects me to give him sex in order for him to want to put effort into treating me how I want to be treated ?

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* This article was originally published here

He (55m) is going to break up with me (48f) unless I move in with him and I'm torn.

We've been together for 6 years and our history is a mess. We lived together and it wasn't great. He had a great job and my contract had just ended so I wasn't working. Instead I helped him a lot with his business (at his request) and the general running of the house.
He had rented us a big house, a lot of vacations, a lot of drama. We fought a lot. For my part, I came into the experience expecting our relationship as a couple living together would be one way, but it was marred by so many issues. A lot of resentment built up. It became clear that he dealt with conflict by "micro cheating" (texting/flirting with other women). That's a huge trigger for me so we would fight more. He ended up having an affair 3 year ago and I moved out. I've come to realize he's very vulnerable to these situations because he seems to require a lot of attention. I think I know better now how to handle him with regards to this and what makes him tick.
We have stayed together but we haven't lived together since then. Our relationship is also a lot more "platonic" now. We hold hands and cuddle but very rarely have sex. This is due to so much resentment and pain that hasn't been properly dealt with.
Current situation:

- If I don't move in with him, he said it will be over. He doesn't want to live like this anymore (it's been 3 years since I moved out). He says there's no way he would ever cheat on me again...he doesn't want to go through that hell again or cause me so much pain. For my part, I'm fairly sure I could contribute to making our relationship better. I can see ways I could handle situations better within our relationship and I can see mistakes I made from when we lived together.
- But at the same time, I'm very scared I'll be making a mistake either way. If I don't move in, I feel very strongly I'll likely never be in a relationship again (just trust me...I'm nearing 50, time hasn't been the kindest to me, I'm a total introvert and I don't go out so there's nowhere to meet anyone). But if he cheated on me again, I'd be simply destroyed. I also am afraid I'll be back in a similar situation as before (non-stop arguing, him blaming me for everything to do with the house but now I'll also be working full time, finding out he's flirting with someone at work or texting women, etc).
I am wondering what steps to take here. I'm on the fence about just breaking up and facing my future alone, or if I should agree to move in and make marriage counselling a regular part of our next year. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation?
tldr: I have to decide whether to move back in with my partner or break up.

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* This article was originally published here

I (34f) think me and my friend (34f) have a mutual crush

I'm starting to think that my friend (34f) and I (34f) have a mutual crush on each other. We met in the beginning of this year, never spoke about being attracted to women just guys. I like our friendship and that is why I'm trying to be just a friend. We talk about light and deep subjects, we laugh and we like to practice sports together. I find her funny, smart, grounded and just the right amount of being crazy and enjoying the life. She is also very good-looking and that was confirmed by my other friends.

So I have a "small crush" on her. The thing is I wouldn't be paying much attention to my crush-related feelings but I think she flirts with me in some ways. She doesn't compliment me or touch me a lot, but it happens sometimes and she holds me in high regard intellectually-wise and she thinks I'm caring. I consider myself quite decently looking and in the last couple of months a few friends and aquintances (even her boyfriend) told me I have a great body, so let's say at least I have a fit body (I practice sports on a regular basis). So because of her boyfriend I don't want to make any moves and I just try to be a good friend and treat her as a close friend with only platonic feelings. Regarding flirting she likes to spend time (and I like it as well) with me and it happened in the past she changed her prior plans with her bf to meet with me, sometimes alone and sometimes with my friends. We laugh and tease each other. Anyway, in the last few days I think her body language towards me was really flirty and it was difficult to not look at her in a more physical way. We went to a beach (not our first time) and she wanted my towel to be put on hers, so we laid pretty close. We spent the whole day together. On the beach this time she was playing with her hair from time to time and exposed her underarms and her chest a lot. For example when standing in front of me she just lifted her arms and put her hands behind her head for a while or on the towel she was lying on the side and she would flip her hair so she had her hair just on one side and her chest was more visible and brushed her hair for a few seconds. I guess she is a happy how her cleavage looks and I must say I glance at it from time to time without thinking because it indeed looks good (I wore my sunglasses). She brushes my hands from time to time, but lately she started to touch my hair. There have always been accidental touches between us, like she touches my hands or she touches my legs with her legs. If we are in a group we always find a bit of time to spend together without others. Lately I proposed her to something with a couple of friends and she said she prefers to do things together were there are not many other people. There are more signals she likes me in some way, but recently I was surprised a little how much she "showed off" her body and flirty body language when we were together because I think she knows she is good-looking but she's not the type of girl who wants everyone looking at her too much.

I'm not sure if I should try to protect myself somehow in case she (involuntarily) leads me on? Not sure if she is playing with me (she is mature and I believe she doesn't like to hurt people she cares about)? I'm not sure if it's just a regular friendly interaction or there is something going on, but at the same time I don't think she deliberately wants to lead me on. But I do think we both like the attention we get from each other and we like to spend time together.

Tl;dr I have a small crush on my friend. I'm fine with being platonic friends, but I think there is some tension and it results in flirting with each other.

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* This article was originally published here

Am I wrong or is my friend making excuses to not meet me?

Am I wrong or is my friend making excuses to not meet?

My (23f) school friend (23f) is moving out of the country. She’s been inviting me to come visit her city for years and now that she’s moving she told me “so when are you coming”

I told her I’ll come on her birthday, and when her birthday comes around and I am about to book the flight, she kind of ignores me. After insisting , she replies that she can host me but her house has too many guests, no place to sleep, it’ll be better if I come a few days later. So I say okay makes sense. I say we’ll chat again when I am about to book.

Her bday comes. I put up a bday post and she reposts saying “come soon”

Few days go by, I text her about booking flight tickets. She says she’s free the whole week, and later she’s busy. Now I text her the 2 days out of the free week when i can go. She stops replying ( we were texting instantly)

I wait an hour and send her a voice note, saying reply to my text. She calls me then, tells me she’s busy with other commitments. So I say okay cool we’ll meet when we meet then.

I am confused, and a bit annoyed coz she’s been adamant on me coming to meet her. And when I come around to going, she acts weird.

Now she’s leaving and I dont know if Iam supposed to call and chat it up with her.

Tl;dr - my friend who insists I come to visit her before she leaves the country, ghosted/ became busy when I tried booking tickets to meet her. Idk if I should be a bit annoyed or call and chat with her before she leaves.

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* This article was originally published here

I feel like my(34F) partner(36M) enjoys pissing me off

English is my 2nd language so excuse the mistakes.I live in South Asia and we are muslims.

Recent example , we had eid this weekend ( islamic holiday thing ) and i went to his parents place , he spent 2 and half days commenting oh wow you guys are getting along so well didnt you have a big fight last time , subtly complaining to his sisters about me etc.The last evening of eid , my BIL's wife's parents were to visit , so her and me we were coordinating about chores like who does what etc and my partner was again going wow look at you acting like sisters etc i feel like he was looking forward to us fighting or having a screaming match over something tiny.Half an hour before the parents were to visit i told my husband to get my son ( 4 ) to dress up because i was busy in kitchen. I heard my son crying and i asked from the kitchen why is the kid crying and he didnt say anything so i just went ah w/e i will check later because a lot of time when i leave my kid with partner kid ends up crying because either he gets hurt or partner takes away his toys or disrupts his play .and then they come down and the kid has the ugliest haircut and partner is smiling so BIG and i loose it , i told him multiple times to not give him a haircut at home , we were discussing the haircut and i told him to get it after eid because rn the shops are overcharging and we are very tight on money , like barely for food kind of tight , he goes and goes his dad was one who cut the kid's hair and i am too obedient to say anything, its not that bad , they will grow back, i didnt know you like his hair so much. I asked the kid who cut your hair and he says dad.i went back in the kitchen after screaming for 5 minutes and he went to the other room , when the BIL's in laws came my husband went on loudly look how good of a haircut kid has and i have no right to be mad etcSo my question is what explains his behaviour and how do i deal with it until i can leave him ? i am doing everything to take care of my mental health to stay calm with his antics and he refuses couple therapy

tldr; partner does things that he know will piss me off and uses his bad memory as an excuse

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* This article was originally published here

I'm (23f) so disgusted about my yesterday behavior with a guy (26m) I like

I want to throw up every time I remember what I did yesterday. It was nothing super serious but I feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself.

So we had a work party yesterday and there were all my coworkers, including the guy I have a crush on. Short story: I always liked him and though he was was hot and 2 months ago we suddenly matched on tinder and actually talked for some weeks. He really seemed interested but then he started answering more and more slowly and we just stopped talking.

After that all our live interactions are super mega awkward. He talks with all girls super normally but I'm literally the only one he ignores and he didn't even try to hide it.

So yesterday I was a little bit drunk and I started doing tooo much to grab his attention. Like going to the group of people where he was to try to enter in the conversation even thought I don't have anything in common with them and my friends were on the other side. Then I tried one time to go to the bathroom at the same time as he just to try to intercept with him. Then I standed awkwardly in the kitchen where he was just to he there, I really wasn't doing anything. And the final one, I tried to go home in the car with the group that he was going. And that I think was the most stupid and creepiest one.

He doesn't care about me. I even have the feeling that every time he would enter in a room and see that I was there he would just leave because of me. There was even a time when He, me and another girl were sitting together, they were talking (super energetically and enthusiastically, if he doesn't have a crush on her it really felt like he has lol) and as soon as she left the room, he got up and also left the room in rush just to not talk with me AHAHAHA.

As soon as the alcohol started disappearing from my body I understood the things I did the entire day and I felt so irritated and stupid. Begore leaving the party I didn't even said Bye to him because I was feeling that he's so done with me. But he actually waved to me with a smile.

I regret so much going there. I wish I could just ignore him and show him that I doesn't care, as he does. But everytime I have the opportunity to be near him I just can't walk away. What should I do next time when something like this happens? At this time I don't even think there's a possibility of juat being friends because he's afraif to rven ask me how my job is going. That tinder match ruined everything argh.

Tl;dr - Was trying too kuch to grab the attention of my coworker that I like and I feel so stupid.

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* This article was originally published here

Partner texting my new female acquaintance

I’m in an age gap relationship since 7 months back. My boyfriend (53) and I (28) went to an event in April where I met a woman my age that I spoke to. This woman reached out to my last month saying she liked me and asked if I would like to hang out one day. We decided that we are going to meet for a friend date, however we haven’t gotten the chance to meet her yet due to busy schedule and me getting sick. I told my partner about her snd said it would be fun to connect to her because I want to have more female friends in my age.

I found out today that my partner had added her on social media as a friend and has been texting her without telling me. He showed me the first message he sent her where he said that he is friends with me and is looking for new friends.

Am I wrong for being furious at him? I’m disappointed that he reached out her, I find it embarrassing and strange that he is writing to her. They didn’t even talk at the event we met her at. And I’m also mad at him for saying he is friends with me when we are clearly in a romantic relationship. What’s your opinion in this?

(I know it’s a huge age gap but we have a lot in common and same interests which led is to connect really well).

TL,DR: My old boyfriend is texting a new female friend behind my back

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* This article was originally published here