I (21F) am 9 months pregnant, due date is in mid March. Been with my boyfriend (29M) for a year now, we just celebrated our one year anniversary on Valentine’s Day last week.
In my prior relationships I’ve always been very clingy, very physically close and affectionate to my partners. I started off this way with my bf but as time went on he let me know that wasn’t his thing. It eventually became a problem bc I just didn’t know how to not be affectionate, and it severely annoyed him as that’s not the way he enjoys to be loved. So I stopped, and for awhile I stopped almost entirely. It just makes me feel so sad and empty inside. Whenever I look at him and want to express my affection for him, but can’t bc I know he won’t enjoy it like how I would, kills me.
He almost broke up with me on February 9th, 5 days before our one year anniversary/Valentine’s Day. He said even though he loves me deeply, he felt he jumped into a commitment with me too soon and he doesn’t feel happy bc he hasn’t been able to focus on fixing himself as he was intending to do when he first moved to this area in 2020. He made it clear that he could still keep his commitment to our unborn son as a father without being committed to me, but that he’d always love me and treat me as family forever since we’ll have that permanent bond through our son.
I cried on the phone when he said that to me; we were both at work when this phone conversation took place. Later in the day when I was at my second job, he came in and said, “fuck everything I said, I love you and want to make this work” then proceeded to hug and kiss me in front of everyone.
He told me that bc I’m the mother of his child, he likely will fall deeper in love with me seeing me become the mother my son needs me to be. That seeing me grow in that way and becoming parents together (he already has 2 kids of his own) will grow our bond stronger. But what if it doesn’t? I worry that maybe it could make us grow further apart, bc I know it does that to some couples.
Also another thing to note is that our sex life has suffered since we learned I was pregnant. He said it makes him feel too weird, he feels like he’d be hurting the baby, etc. so the last time we were intimate was New Year’s Day. That’s another part of me that I feel has died, bc before this I was openly very expressive and in tune with my sexuality. Now I can’t even remember how it felt to be that way.
TL;DR - I (21F) am pregnant with my bf’s (29M) baby boy. I’ve had to severely decrease how physically affectionate I am with him since he doesn’t enjoy that. He almost broke up with me 5 days before our anniversary/V-Day, but then decided not to. We haven’t had sex since Jan. 1st, and I feel between having to suppress my sexuality and my desire for physical affection, that I’ve killed a part of myself for him.
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* This article was originally published here
