Still lover other [30M] and [30F] after 7 years. Mental health issues so we parted ways. Any idea how to fix it?

break up reason My view - I was suffering from high levels of stress from a job. It impacted the relationship. I stopped wanted to go out, felt scared, didn’t want to leave the house or have sex. I lost so much weight that no clothes I had would fit. I have quit the toxic job and I am In counselling.

Her view - she thought I lost interest in her. She felt hurt by this. She was trying to help me but my mental health wasn’t great and I didn’t listen to her.

post break up She came a lot to our old flat. To take her items and also help me pack up and move to my new flat. We spoke a lot about the relationship

• she said three times after we broken up to early. Was there another way to make you realise the issues
• she wants me in her life. The last day before moving she cried as she thought it will be the last time she saw me each time she came she stayed a while. Hugging me not wanting to leave. The last day she said “I know I have to go but my body wants to stay. I said I am getting help, but she said it will be too much in one go. To fix mental health and work on relationships
• she asked what changes will you do if we get back
• she said this is the best relationship she ever had.
• while packing she said I wish we didn’t have to do this many times

why she might not come back - she said she doesn’t want to give me false idea that we can get back together. Right now she can’t say as she is hurt and her defences are up. I’m reply I said I won’t chase you and leave it. She said “are you giving up so soon?” - she said she doesn’t want to jump back in while the route issues are there -she said she wants space to heal but I can call her if I ever need anything

Is there a chance I could try again with her. We are in limited contact to sort out joint bills, lease agreements etc.

Could after giving her space to heal, I could text her and maybe meet up or should I just give up. We both love each other but I’ve hurt her due to my mental health

Tl;dr can I fix our relationship, she thinks I didn’t love her and she got hurt

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* This article was originally published here

Was I wrong for hanging out with ex despite gf's wishes?

I (25M) have a beautiful girlfriend whom I'll call Anna (22F), we've been together for over a year. I truly love Anna deeply and can envision a life with her, which is what I want to preface this with.

Around two months ago, I was out at a bar one weekend with some friends in downtown Seattle (where I live) where I unexpectedly saw my ex-girlfriend whom I'll call Zoe (25F). We got to talking, I had no ill intentions at this point, she was practically just an old friend whom I hadn't seen for like over five years (in the seven years since we broke up we'd only seen each other once, and not for long; at a mutual friend's funeral five years ago).

Some info on Zoe: we've both grown up in a town by the outskirts of Seattle. We were childhood friends, and began dating since we were 13. We were high-school sweethearts; Zoe was my first kiss, my first girlfriend, my first love- everything. When we went to college (I stayed in Seattle, she moved to Colorado for college) we broke up soon enough into our freshman years due to the long distance. We ended things amicably and on a good note, and haven't spoken since we bumped into each other at that bar.

After hanging out, we exchanged numbers and decided to keep in contact. Zoe and I have been texting regularly these past couple months, everything has been strictly platonic between us.

I have told Anna about this, and how she felt; she stated that she wasn't sure why I had to keep in contact with Zoe now, especially after all these years, but that she trusted me. And that she wouldn't like the idea of us hanging out alone.

Yesterday, it was the fifth year anniversary of the death of one of mine and Zoe's mutual friends, whom we'd known since high school. The friend's family and a bunch of our mutual friends and classmates gathered together in her honour, at her grave and then by the lake we used to hangout together; we all caught up and just talked about our memories of her. It was a nice and nostalgic but pretty emotional day.

After everyone left the lake by dark once it was time to go home, Zoe asked if I wanted to get a drink. I agreed, we went to a bar alone and did just that. Only that. Talked, caught up, and got a little drunk. For a fair bit of that time we were talking about the memories of our passed friend.

I got home late that night, around 2am, to my angry girlfriend. I'd only just realised I had three missed calls and a bunch of missed texts from her, since I had told her before I'd be home by around 10pm after the gathering by the lake. She asked where I'd been, that I was meant to be home ages ago; and I told her the truth: the gathering, and I went for drinks at a bar with Zoe and lost track of time and wasn't on my phone. Anna was furious, we had a massive fight and haven't spoken.

TL;DR Hung out alone with ex despite gf's request. Am I in the wrong? It was all platonic.

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* This article was originally published here

I’m jealous of my wife for playing GTA RP with a romance story in it. How do I deal with it?

My wife and I (both 24) are both gamers and we play a variety of video games. Recently we came across a GTA RP server in which we both got “hired” as officers in the LSPD. Everything was fine, until she mentioned that she’s doing a kind of romance story with a guy from LSPD. As a person that did experience some really shit relationships in the past, I cannot get over a feeling of being kind of cheated on and it wrecks my head.

I cannot say that she’s not giving me attention, because she is, and seeing how this RP romance is getting into my head, she constantly talks that I’m the only one she loves, that she’s not going anywhere, and she’s mine.

The big issue I have with this is that in my mind, this scenario of romance roleplay lights up the same feelings of jealousy, sadness, heck, I could say I’m depressed because of it. I completely understand the concept of Role Play, and that she’s just playing a flirtatious character (related to a streamer that we both watch on Twitch).

I also play GTA RP but the concept of “going on a date” or even S*X RP for me is a really difficult area for me. I can talk to a girl in RP, but as soon as I’d see that they are thinking of getting a romance story role play with my character, I feel guilty, as if I was cheating on my wife. That’s why I keep this kind of stuff as far as possible. I’m chill with planning stories, heists, etc, but the romance aspect just scares me.

I’ve been really depressed since it started with the romance story, and I know that it’s completely irrational. I’ve stopped playing RP for this reason as well.

Another thing is that I work a standard 8am - 4PM/5PM jobs, so I do end up going to bed around 11PM, but it’s time when the most people are on RP and I’m feeling really shit, falling asleep by myself.

Is there anyone who’s had a similar experience, or who can open my eyes on the subject of not having to worry about rp stupid romance story? I really need it.

TL;DR My wife is playing a romance story in GTA RP and I’m jealous of it. What do I do?

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* This article was originally published here

Relationship Guru Esther Perel's 7 Ideas for Keeping Calm and Staying Inspired - Inc.

Relationship Guru Esther Perel's 7 Ideas for Keeping Calm and Staying Inspired  Inc.

* This article was originally published here

I (23F) am not sure I want to live with my boyfriend (24M) anymore after we’ve signed a lease

I (23F) just signed a lease with my boyfriend of 10 months (24M) to move to a new city together and am getting major cold feet. Background: I broke up with my ex of 2 years ~10 months ago at the advice of my current boyfriend and another friend, and almost immediately started dating my current boyfriend (I did not break up with my ex for my current boyfriend & had no feelings for him prior to the breakup). I am now realizing I likely got into this relationship to cope with the breakup and have just started grieving my ex, who I still feel very strongly for. I know I did several things wrong to both parties and am not looking for judgement, just advice. My current partner is relying on me financially for this move, and we’ve ended our lease at our current apartment and have also gotten jobs lined up. There would be no way for me to have a conversation about ending our relationship without significantly impacting him financially, which I would like to avoid doing — however, if I continue feeling like this, I don’t want to lead him on or stay in a relationship with him where we’re not on the same page because he doesn’t deserve that. I genuinely don’t know what to do that’s respectful to both him and myself. Any advice is appreciated.

TLDR; Planning a major move with my bf, only to start to feel like this relationship isn’t right for me at this time in life after plans have been made that will impact us financially.

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Hel regarding my "best" friend

We've known each other for six years now. She (22f) left her discord open where she talks with her situationship and I (23f) found out she badmouths me, saying things about me being ugly and trans, even though I didn't want her to out me like that to a stranger, and I was wondering how should I approach this whole thing, since in theory I shouldn't have seen all of that but at the same time I cant forget all of it.

Tldr; saw discord chat where I was being bad mouthed and I don't know how to approach this.

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My girlfriend (19F) cheated on me (18M) with her abusive ex (18M)

In November 2023, my girlfriend slept with her ex. This man is mentally and physically abusive to her. He would beat her while they were dating, and when they broke up, he would threaten to harm himself if she stopped talking to him. Sometime in November he pushed her to sleep with him, and she was scared to say no. I believe her fear because I know how this guy is. He is very manipulative. After this occurred, she cut him off shortly after. Since December 2023 I’ve noticed she’s been incredibly happy. Before this she was very depressed and had lots of mental problems, and our relationship suffered a lot at the time because of it. She’s been incredible these past months, we’ve had no problems, and her mental health has been significantly better. I only learned about what happened yesterday (April 2024). She proved to me that they weren’t in contact, showed that their last texts were from December, and that he’s blocked. I don’t know how to feel now, because on one hand I feel like she cheated. I feel sick thinking about what happened. On the other hand, this man is abusive and I know she was terrified of him. What do I do?

tl:dr her abusive ex threatened to hurt her if she didn’t sleep with him. She did, and cut him off shortly after. I only discovered this recently and don’t know how to feel

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* This article was originally published here