I’m not really much of a gamer. Recently I played an online game just for a few months and met a girl on the game who has a personality just like mine and is from the same area as me.
As we played together she would make flirty jokes. I didn’t really think much of it. Then, unfortunately, her friend in real life died. I spent a lot of quality time with her that night after that to make her feel better.
Over the next few weeks, she started telling me about how lonely she is, how she’s not happy anywhere. She would also complain about the boyfriend on occasion. I didn’t cross any lines and only offered encouraging words as a friend (didn’t respond to comments about the boyfriend). Then she started saying things that confused me — for example, how she sometimes thinks about her brother and I being good friends.
From what she told me about the boyfriend, it sounded like a toxic relationship with an unhealthy power-dynamic. She also told me she might break up with the boyfriend and move back to my area.
I quit the game and didn’t think we’d talk much after. I figured if she became single and lived in my area, I’d ask her out. She started to hit me up for small talk — how I’m doing, how my day went, etc. When girls do this to me on a regular basis, it’s always been because they have a thing for me.
She told me she’ll be back in my area soon to take care of her family, and that she might not be going back — I took that to mean the breakup was coming.
We kept talking on the regular, but now without me playing the game at all. I don’t really keep up with gamer friends outside of games, so this was new to me.
Then in one of our conversations she tells me she’s living her dream (playing video games while the boyfriend works). Then she posts in a massive server about how her boyfriend keeps the relationship interesting and how she’s going to marry him. She also told me she “visits” my area often — so it doesn’t seem like she’ll be “permanently” back anymore.
I got her a nice birthday gift and after that, I essentially told her we can’t talk much anymore. I’m trying to start my own business and need to focus, and the connections I make with people I want to be IRL.
This seems to have upset her, she totally shunned me when I tried explaining things further. I also got kicked from a small server she maintains, so seems like there’s some bad blood here. In my experience, if a girl is shunning you — she thinks you’re a creep or she’s gossiping about you to others.
We haven’t had a conversation in weeks now, so it seems like maybe the friendship is over?
I’ve never been into a girl online, ever. I even tried multiple times during the friendship to push this girl away but she kept wanting to hang alone with just me on the game (she would ditch her friends for me and I never asked her to).
My therapist and IRL friends have told me I made the right decision to distance myself, but why do I feel so guilty then?
I’m pretty sure I did the right thing — I didn’t try to ruin my friend’s relationship, I didn’t try to end the friendship I was just trying to say I need space to focus on my business and IRL friends, and I even got a nice birthday gift to make sure it was clear that we are indeed still friends.
tl;dr: I felt uncomfortable doing small talk with a girl in a relationship who seemed interested in me, and that upsets her.
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* This article was originally published here
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