I'm [28M] terrified of letting go of my GF [28F] of 4 years as we reach a junction whereby our paths are diverging. Will I regret letting go of love to pursue my goals and ambitions?

Feeling quite desperate around this whole situation and seeking external advice.

We've been together for 4 to 4.5 years and since we are from opposite ends of the world (20 hours flight) we have had a very intense, deep relationship full of shared experiences. We have both lived in each others country for long periods of time, travelled to many different countries together, and lived with each other for almost this whole duration of time.

In this period we've developed our own paths to go after our dreams which has involved moving towards self employment. Unfortunately, it's beginning to feel like our own individual careers/dreams would be better off without the relationship. My business is more profitable when I can travel a lot more, and I would also be able to develop my craft when I can allocate more time to it and less time to my relationship.
As for my GF, she is 1 year into her journey and in order to progress with her career it would benefit her to be able to travel to different places where she can work closer with other people on projects and she would be able to learn more and build an even stronger network to help her breakthrough into an industry which is hard to break through when alone.

Unfortunately, the cities I want to go to for my business are predominantly cities that don't align with the cities my girlfriend wants to go to. It would be really hard for her to follow me because she would have no social network and I'd be wanting to work late hours leaving her feeling isolated from the networks she wants to get closer to.

One way the relationship could potentially work is if I lived with her in Europe and compromised the amount of travelling I'd be doing (e.g. 1 week every 5 weeks), as opposed to the nomadic lifestyle I would otherwise be living. Doing so would result in a less than optimal way for me to grow my business and chase my dreams.

Furthermore, it's worth mentioning that we both don't have any desire to have children within the next 5 years (if at all) and we both don't feel like we are ready to settle.

Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and can advise me to help make a decision between compromising on my optimal pathway to fulfillment of my ambitions or letting go of a 4 year relationship with a loyal woman who loves me deeply and whom we have shared many rich years of experiences together?

TL;DR 4 year relationship with girlfriend from other side of the world has reached a point where our personal dreams are both being compromised in order to continue the relationship

submitted by /u/ThrowRA_20231234
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My (30f) Nana with dementia (92f) won't pick up phone, how else do I try contacting her?

I (30f) have a nana (95) who lives in another state, and 2-3 hrs drive from her nearest relative (my mother).

There is quite a bit of history to this situation, with my nana moving out of our home city to the area in which she is now in a nursing home roughly 30 years ago, despite family asking her not to. She has had multiple illnesses and is in a wheelchair, with regular health flare ups. After multiple hospitalisations, she was sent to a nursing home in her local area on doctors orders roughly 2.5 years ago. Over the past 10 or so years, my family has been trying to get her to move closer to my mother (her daughter), with the latest attempt being just a few months ago. My grandmother is stubborn, and refuses to acknowledge or talk about the fact that my parents are also now getting too old to make the 4-6 hr return drive to visit her regularly, and the sad reality is that she is choosing loneliness over staying where she is.

Unfortunately, my nana now has dementia. This is where things have taken a turn for the worse, and are making it very emotionally difficult for us. My mother is technically power of attorney for my nana, and has had to deal with clearing out my nana's house, putting it up for sale, arranging all of her bills, medical appointments, finances, etc over the last few years. In her now affected mind, my nana has now decided that my mother has sent her to a nursing home (not the doctors), stolen and sold her house, and has shipped her up to a distant place so we can forget about her up there. She is in complete denial that she moved away from her home city on her own terms. She refuses to see my mother when she visits, becoming very aggressive and saying some very nasty things to her, including that my other is being controlling and insinuating financial/elder abuse.

I, on the other hand, get a very different reaction. She is usually happy to talk to me, and last December when I went up to visit she cried and clung to me because she was so happy to see "someone she remembered" - and then again yelled at my mother and refused to see her the next day. She was full of conspiracy theories about the phone being tapped/not working because "they" didn't want it to, that her parents "warned her" about my mum, etc etc. She has stopped making calls to anybody, and now rarely picks up the phone. Myself, my mother and my sister haven't been able to call her since December. I put all of the above for context, as things are a little tricky, as my mother is now also somewhat avoiding visiting or trying to contact her, given the abuse she receives.

What I need advice on is how to actually maintain a relationship with my nana, and actually get some sort of communication through to her. When I send her postcards from various travels in the past, she complains she can't read my writing (and I suspect she hasn't the last 2 I sent her, and she spent more time looking at the picture on the christmas card I gave her than the writing inside). She won't pick up the phone. It is VERY difficult to visit her where she lives, as it's a 2hr plane ride then a 2-3 hr drive or 2hr train + 30min taxi ride away from where I live (same for my sister). I did visit November because of some drama re trying to get her to move again, as well as at Christmas, but I can't do that all the time, it's simply not practical or financially feasible. So I feel like I'm out of options to communicate with her - I can't write because she won't read it, she won't take my calls because she doesn't trust or potentially also hear the phone (she's quite deaf being her age, and you know, won't wear her hearing aids), and I can't visit more than a few times a year. I'm the only one in our family she is communicating with. That means she's physically and socially isolated, which breaks my heart.

Any advice on where to go from here would be appreciated, especially from anyone else who's dealt with a relative with dementia whose personality has drastically changed.

tl;dr TL;DR! Nana has dementia and is refusing to see nearest relatives. She has stopped picking up phone calls, and I'm running out of ideas of how to maintain contact her. I'm the only one she still talks to in the family, but I can't get through to her, need advice for what else I should try.

submitted by /u/ka4564reddit
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My (22F) and (26M) situationship is destroying me

I was stuck in a situationship for almost a year. In the past, things were actually okay, we did decide to become exclusive for a couple months until this guy cheated on me while i was literally at home sick. I had to find this out from my own friends, and his friends were lying to me about it as well. Stupid me wanted to forgive him yet he wanted to end things after HE cheated. Apparently me being upset to him was “drama” for him.

After some time apart,We eventually started talking again and put the past in the past. We started spending time together and of course, I relapsed back into that situationship. There were times he would treat me right then stop, ghost me for days or even a week and more. I let it slide because i told myself i wasn’t ready for a relationship either, and I haven’t found anyone better yet, but now I’m starting to realize maybe I’ve been lying to myself all along.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m this affected, and why this is such a deep wound for me. I think to myself that I loved him, but I don’t think love should feel like this. I’ve always given more to him and he kept taking and taking from me. We’ve both tried seeing other people especially me, yet we keep going back to each other and it’s the same cycle all over again. I just cut him off yesterday with no explanation and blocked him everywhere, i got fed up being treated like shit and allowing myself to be. I stayed with him because it hurt me less to stay comfortable in that situation than letting go completely. Yet i keep relapsing, missing him, and second guessing my decision.

How do i stay firm and let myself move on from this? How is this situationship causing such a deep wound on me when I’ve had real relationships in the past and although they ended, it was easier to move forward with my life and be better? Badly need advice

TLDR: How do I stay firm and let myself realize how badly I was treated so I can move on from a guy who continues to destroy me?

submitted by /u/Simple-Trainer-2568
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

How do you breakup with someone you live with?

I'm not good at break-ups because it feels terrible to hurt someone you care about. I've (M45) been living with my partner (F37) for a year & a half & it's just not working for me. We like each other, we're friends, but I'm not enjoying being in a couple. We're at that point where if she walked away, I wouldn't stop her but I don't have the guts to tell her I'd prefer to be single.

Part of the problem is that we live together so once we have The Conversation it is going to be extremely difficult for both of us being in the same space regularly. I don't really want to tell her over dinner & then have no place for either of us to go to.

Plus, since it's my own home she'd have to find a new place to live which is difficult in this city. I'm thinking I can say she can stay here as long as she needs & I can sleep on the couch but I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how to make this easier for her?

Really struggling with the logistics of this one & want to be as kind & supportive as possible.

Thanks for having a think!

TL;DR: Any advice on breaking up with someone who you live with? When do you do it? How do you help them if they'll have to move out?

submitted by /u/Sad_Lavishness_4300
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

One Woman’s History of Unpaid Labor in Romantic Relationships - The New Yorker

One Woman’s History of Unpaid Labor in Romantic Relationships  The New Yorker

* This article was originally published here

I (20 m) asked this girl (21 f) I’ve been seeing since October to be in a relationship and she says that she want to be with me but needs time

tl;dr: Seeing this girl for 4 months, we are exclusive and hanging out often, but she says she isn’t ready because she doesn’t want old baggage to affect our relationship

I know how that sounds, and if i saw that caption I would give the advice to stay away and that she is probably not wanting a relationship (with me).

I just feel like this situation is different but I don’t know if my judgement is clouded because I really like her. We started out just hooking up, but have gotten a lot closer since then and have been hanging out multiple times a week for the last month. A lot of the posts I’ve seen about this are before ppl have become intimate/intimate regularly and this also doesn’t apply. We also have talked about being exclusive with each other a few months ago, and have valentines plans. Before this week we’d talked a bit about wanting more and seemed to both be on the same page, and this week I asked her to be with me. She said that she does want to be with me, but that she still has baggage from her last relationship (which she got out of a month prior to us meeting) and doesn’t want that to affect ours, and that she hasn’t been out of a relationship for a while and needs a little bit of time for herself. And it’s also not like she wants to see me less we’re closer than ever right now. I just feel confused because to me it seems like we are already 3/4 of the way to being a couple and feel like things will be ok but I also am keeping the possibility we don’t work out open. Right now I feel like the best thing to do is not rush things or come off needy, and bring it up again when I’m seeing signs that she could be ready. At the same time though I know I can’t just wait around forever for her. At the end of the day only I really know our relationship and her, but I would appreciate some outside perspectives.

submitted by /u/Thericjaw
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

How To Stop Being Jealous In Friendships And Relationships? - SheThePeople

How To Stop Being Jealous In Friendships And Relationships?  SheThePeople

* This article was originally published here