I was stuck in a situationship for almost a year. In the past, things were actually okay, we did decide to become exclusive for a couple months until this guy cheated on me while i was literally at home sick. I had to find this out from my own friends, and his friends were lying to me about it as well. Stupid me wanted to forgive him yet he wanted to end things after HE cheated. Apparently me being upset to him was “drama” for him.
After some time apart,We eventually started talking again and put the past in the past. We started spending time together and of course, I relapsed back into that situationship. There were times he would treat me right then stop, ghost me for days or even a week and more. I let it slide because i told myself i wasn’t ready for a relationship either, and I haven’t found anyone better yet, but now I’m starting to realize maybe I’ve been lying to myself all along.
Sometimes I wonder why I’m this affected, and why this is such a deep wound for me. I think to myself that I loved him, but I don’t think love should feel like this. I’ve always given more to him and he kept taking and taking from me. We’ve both tried seeing other people especially me, yet we keep going back to each other and it’s the same cycle all over again. I just cut him off yesterday with no explanation and blocked him everywhere, i got fed up being treated like shit and allowing myself to be. I stayed with him because it hurt me less to stay comfortable in that situation than letting go completely. Yet i keep relapsing, missing him, and second guessing my decision.
How do i stay firm and let myself move on from this? How is this situationship causing such a deep wound on me when I’ve had real relationships in the past and although they ended, it was easier to move forward with my life and be better? Badly need advice
TLDR: How do I stay firm and let myself realize how badly I was treated so I can move on from a guy who continues to destroy me?
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