Hey, this might be longer to read and I appreciate everyone's time beforehand. But I'm confused of my ex's behavior. I'd love to hear your POVs, thoughts,... I appreciate it alot.
My ex, 26yo guy, nerdy, scientist, geeky, cute, passionate about his hobbies, gamer, Introverted, comes from loving family, idealistic and creative, empathic and emotional guy (yet so super cold and distanced towards me after the break up). Me 28y, sensitive and emotional, nerdy, business guy, extroverted 68%, active planner, dreamer, loyal and supportive, comes from bad family surroundings, heartwarming and still in love obviously. We were both our first big love and relationship.
We broke up 10m ago, in a good faith. We've had 4,5y long relationship, we were a very cute and adorable couple, we've had many stuffs in common, attracted to each other alot, yet we've had our ups and downs and communication issues about stupidities... (selfishness, sometimes demanding or grumpiness). We broke up in a agreement as we were back then frustrated from each others behavior and also because of a difficult season we both have had at works, etc.... So we kind of a, gave up I'd say. Soon later I realized what's he worth to me and that I don't want to lose him. However, he was fine with the decision of breaking up, felt like we r not supposed to be together, rather friends. When I told him that back there, I hurted him as he didn't expect me to lay all my emotions on him and I was very dramatic there tbh and made a "scene".
He needed space back then from me.
After a gap of some time. We've tried being friends, agreeing, seeing where it leads.... (me hoping to be in a relationship with him again, which I did mention and he always said, don't bet on it but we'll see, there might be chance...) but it didn't work, from my side.... I always ended up asking about us... I told him some time later, on our trip together, that I lied and being friends is hurting me and I'm constantly depressed, thinking of him, hurted, missing him super much etc...... Back then when I told him that, he looked at me with glossy eyes, while I cried softly, and he said, he wishes to be friends and we'll see if we make it back (he mentioned that many times).
But I told him, as much as I respect his decisions, he must respect mine which is that I can't suffer anymore by being friends. I want him to take some time to reconsider whether we try, truly, or we forget about each other smh.... I told him, begged him to be direct to me and not to rub honey around my mouth, that I don't want to live in hopes and I can take it... He nodded. I don't want to push him to decide into my favor, but I also want to get rid of this pain and I believe we can make it work and be happy together. (Am I the selfish guy here?)
He said he will think of it and let me know how he decided. Back then when we've last seen each other, I was supposed to take my bike from his place and he was like "you can take it next time"... (Another sign of him wanting to see me again?).
Since then, nothing. I texted him two weeks later just to see if he thought of it and he said he haven't decided yet, that he needs some more time to think it through and he promises to let me know...
Well, that was another month and I blocked him being hurted and "on hold" (I didn't want to be able to see his socials)... I know as he's introverted he takes time to think things through and is sensitive and ..... Yeah, I don't want to excuse him, I'm also a human being right? However, if I asked him to be honest with me and end my suffering, and he says he doesn't want me to suffer and "needs time to think it through"... Why did he never tell me directly his "no" ? What's happening here? Am I absolutely not on his mind or is he afraid to be honest to me to reveal his emotions? Other then that, I feel like moving on is best for me (as I'm wasting my time obviously), but he's Incalculably valuable to me, he is a specific person and a little "weirdo" which I like him alot for, one has no idea how much. I care for him incredibly much as he basically was my family.
Back then, I was grumpy because of stuff hapenning in my life (work crisis) selfishly expecting his support and not thinking of him having his own things to deal with. (Guess it was too much for him back then) Sometimes I was needy or demanding towards him, invading his introverted bubble, not respecting his boundaries. I can see he's scared of that hapenning again. Sadly, I learned how to maintain all of that after the break up thanks to some reading, Psychotherapies, learning about myself better.... Sometimes people realize their mistakes when it's too late and honestly, he had his bugs too. But I can see he was best of a boyfriend to me when I was able to maintain these boundaries as I could see when he felt respected, loved and supported, he was able to return his love multiple times back.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, don't hasitate to be direct, I need it. Though I think I'll always think of him as my soulmate.
Just to add, we never kissed or anything since the breakup. For him, it's not right and he seems to not be thinking of me sexually or anything as we broke up.
TLDR: I want to get back together with my ex but he's unable to tell me directly his decision and takes his time to think it through, but haven't decided yet...
