I (F28) broke up with my boyfriend (M27) because he broke a promise. Am I being unreasonable?

TL;DR Boyfriend attacked me while he was drunk. I took him back because he promised to stop drinking. He drank for the first time in months, so I broke up with him. Am I being unreasonable because he has improved in certain respects?

For context, my ex and I always had a rocky relationship. One of those ones where “when it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s really bad”. I’m talking arguments that resulted in terrible name calling, threats to break up, even having the police called.

Summer of last year, I started a new job. He expressed to me, as I began, that he was feeling insecure about me cheating with my new colleagues. I did everything I could to reassure him, but 2 weeks into my new job, I went out for after work drinks with my colleagues. When I returned home, he was extremely drunk and accused me of cheating from the moment I arrived. After a big back and forth, he ended up attacking me. I immediately called the police and he was taken away. This resulted in him legally not being allowed to talk to me or see me for a month. But that didn’t stop him. He begged and made so many promises, the biggest one being that he’d stop drinking forever. We both agreed that if he broke that promise, it’d be over. I was in a really vulnerable state at that point, so despite what he did to me, I took him back on his promises.

Fast forward to today and he has made many improvements and has become a better partner in most respects. However, I left the country for a few days for a short trip and one night, he ended up getting black out drunk, which I found out through his texts and calls to me. In that moment, I stuck to the deal and said we were over. He battled hard and said he made a mistake and promised that this time, he’d really stop because he can NOW really see the damage his drinking would cause.

With everything in the past and the broken promise, I put my foot down. But still, I can’t help but wonder if I’m being unreasonable because it was one slip up out of all the other improvements that were made? Will he really be better and stick to his promise this time? Or have I made the right decision?

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* This article was originally published here

I took custody of the dog in an ugly breakup. Was I wrong for what I did?

My ex and I got a golden retriever puppy together in the middle of Covid. It was perfect timing because I was working from home so I could keep an eye on her, take her out frequently, and work on training. I taught her everything she knows.

I would say I was her primary caregiver, and my name was on all of the receipts and her vet paperwork. This is important.

When we broke up he made it clear that he thought splitting custody would be the best. He wanted do two weeks on/two weeks off.

I was planning on moving back home post breakup, which would make it a 3 hour drive between us. I was simply not interested in continuing to have him in my life for the next ten years. The breakup was messy and not on good terms at all.

He told me that if I didn’t want to split custody that he would then be taking the dog solely. Things were getting ugly at home and we were still living together while I was looking for a new apartment. We were beginning to hate eachother.

So basically I realized the only way I could keep the dog is to basically just go ahead and take her. So I left one day while he was at work. He came home and we were both gone. I feel cruel for the way I did it…

I feel horrible about how this all went down but I felt like I had no other choice. My ex was devastated. His mother called me and said she had never seen him so upset, that he was sobbing. He promised me he was going to sue me for custody, but I think he realized he had no grounds and eventually texted me to let me know that he wouldn’t be suing me, and that the dog is mine now, best of luck, etc.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? The guilt of everything is eating me alive, but I feel I had no other choice. I also worry about how my dog is dealing with this, if she misses him too. I’d like to hear some of your experiences with dog custody issues. Thanks in advance!

TL:DR One day I just up and left with the dog and moved to another state. My ex is devastated and wanted to split custody. Was I wrong for what I did?

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* This article was originally published here

The Guy (39,M) I (30,F) Like Is Sponsoring The Mother Of His Children

I (30,F) really like this guy (39,M) I met online but know I should not be subjecting myself to this world of chaos. We have been dating for about a year give or take.

He’s 39, has two children, and lives at home with his aging parents. In addition, the mother of his children is living with them as well, along with the two children. She isn’t a citizen of the country and doesn’t work so he feels obligated to support her for the sake of the children. According to him, she’s disrespectful, lazy and unappreciative to him and his family. He says their relationship has been over for a while, that he is not attracted to her and does not want a relationship with her. They are not together and both date other people.

Due to the fact that she is not a citizen, he’s in the process of legally sponsoring her, to ensure she can remain in their children’s lives, as they have autism and have grown very attached to their mother. The mother of his children does have family in the country but he says he does not want her living with them and risk having his children growing up in a bad neighborhood considering she’d have the children full-time while he works.

I really do like him, but know and understand I’m getting the really short end of the stick and this probably isn’t going to work out long-term. I can’t go over his house, won’t be able to get married or have children of my own with him. It absolutely sucks, because when we’re together, we have such a great time and spend so much time laughing with one another. But ultimately the cons outweigh the pros. I should also mention he’s been to jail in his earlier days and works, but money is always tight. Him having a criminal record does not make it easy for him to secure a job that pays more, which means I’m always paying for things. It doesn’t really bother me only because I’ve never been with a man who has or could provide for me, so I’m used to spending a lot money while dating.

Truthfully, a part of me thinks I may like him out of desperation and loneliness (I’ve been dating for a while with no success) but also has genuine interest in him, enjoys spending time with him and remains hopeful, stupidly. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but I don’t know. It’s probably in my best interest to remain friends and seek to date other people. I just feel a little stuck. Please don’t be mean to me. I’m obviously a little delusional and wear my heart on my sleeve lol.

For some reason, I equate sponsoring her with marrying her in my mind, because he’d be legally responsible for her for 10 years according to his lawyer. I even told him he might as well marry her.

TL;DR : The guy I like, is legally sponsoring the mother of his children but says he loves and wants to be with me.

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* This article was originally published here

I (38M) dont wish to socialise with my dad (57M)

Never had a great relationship growing up, he has never been one for talking much and was quite strict as we grew up, were never really that close.

I am 38, he is 57, the relationship has been 38 years obviously.

Fast forward many years and i now have a daughter which is his granddaughter. For context he lives 5 minutes down the road and is of fine health, still works full time and has nothing else really going on.

He makes literally zero effort with his granddaughter, he will text once a month/2 months to catch up BUT always expects me to take my daughter to his.

When i get there he basically doesent talk, doesent interact with her and usually seems in a hurry to be going out somewhere for shopping or something.

For christmas he got me and my daughter presents and decided to just exclude my partner for some reason (who i have been with for 15 years). Then it was my partners birthday and she didnt get a text or anything, just literally zero effort.

He has since contacted me to go out for a few hours to 'catch up' one day but i dont think i want to make the effort given he makes zero effort with the 2 most important people in my life.

TLDR:

Do i make the effort to go and socialise with my dad given he makes zero effort with the 2 closest people to me including his own granddaughter?

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* This article was originally published here

I (28f) found out the my partner (29m) was still in a relationship with his wife when we started dating. Is there a chance we can rebuild the trust?

Me and my boyfriend have been together about 8 months. The day after our first date he told me he was still married but separated and had a daughter. Things have been going really well, we are really loved up, love spending time with each other and things seemed perfect. However, I have had concerns that him and his ex hadn’t been separated as long as he said (he told me 7 months before meeting me). There were some signs, of them not having established a healthy co-parenting relationship.

Eventually after asking and questioning (which I am not proud of), he told me they had actually only separated 3 months before meeting me & was still living in the family home until meeting me. I was hurt, but began to move forward.

Fast forward to now when I am meeting his child, ex wanted to meet me first which I agreed. She then told me that they had separated after an event he went to, which I had met him before he went.

I didn’t tell her, as she believes we started dating after they split. And I didn’t want her to hurt the way I do because she doesn’t deserve it. I have told him I am most hurt he let me find out this way. He says the relationship was over a long time before, but he was stuck, he has tried to leave before but went back out of guilt. He says in his head they were split up.

We had just moved in together, and signed a tenancy together before I found this out.

I love this boy, but I don’t think I will ever trust him. Has anyone ever been in this position before? Can anyone help me see from his point of view?

TL;DR - boyfriend was still married when we started dating and let me find out the truth from his ex wife

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* This article was originally published here

MIT Course Enhances Social Connection, Relationships, and Happiness - India Education Diary

MIT Course Enhances Social Connection, Relationships, and Happiness  India Education Diary

* This article was originally published here

When me [25M] and my gf [24F] of 4 years fight, I feel like she always wants her way or no way.

I'm 25, my gf is 24. I love her to the moon and back and I want to spend my life with her. We have the same vision for the future. This is the first serious relationship for both of us. We started dating at the beginning of 2020 after she had a crush on me for years before. Currently, we live in different cities (200 km apart) due to studies. This has been the case for the last 2,5 years. We are planning to move in together in 6 months.

Anyway, we just had a big fight when she came to visit me for the weekend. It started with such a little thing and I tried to make things right so many times, even offering her food 3 times, but she would just tell me she was not interested and lock herself in the bedroom for the whole day. It drained my energy and I got super frustrated because she would not cooperate at all. I told her that I felt like it did not make sense for her to come all the way here just to fight and pout alone and we should make things right. She then proceeded to book a train back home the next morning and told me that she would rather leave then. I feel so hurt by this. A nice weekend after missing her so much was ruined and now I'm left alone and sad just cause she was not interested in making up. I don't know what to do now. She did not even look at me when she left. Do I wait for her to contact me?

It's like this most times we argue about something, I feel like she will not meet me halfway at all and the fights only seem to end if I apologize. I know she grew up practically always getting what she wanted, and I've tried to tell her that's not how relationships work and it makes me feel like my wants and needs don't matter at all. She seems too proud to admit something is "her bad". Sometimes she realizes she's been mean to me like a week later and apologizes then.

**TL;DR;** : My gf will not meet me halfway in solving arguments. She stays mad until I apologize, even if I've done nothing wrong. Does anyone have experience with these kinds of issues? I'm lost.

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* This article was originally published here