Mental Health Conversations | Understanding attachment styles in relationships New Era
* This article was originally published here
Thursday, April 14, 2022
Wednesday, April 13, 2022
Finally moving out of my bfs house! help?
I already know this should go elsewhere, however I don't have enough karma to post so here goes nothing... I finally made the decision to move out of this very toxic household. I have separated with my boyfriend, now trying to make it on my own. He is gone today and I need to rent a truck to finish moving my things out. However, I'm short about $70. If anyone can help, you have no idea how much that would mean to me. I've been in this relationship for 9 years and I'm finally doing what should've been done a long time ago. Anything will help. Thank you!🤞 $kjay848
tl;dr moving on from a abusive relationship and need a little help.
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, April 12, 2022
Mixed signals/ Need advice
So I met this girl very naturally and instantly was very attracted with her. We started hanging out a bit mainly just as friends, and flirted a little, but I m(20) had just gotten out of a relationship, and deal with sexual anxiety but did not go much further. About a month ago she sent me a text asking how I felt about her and how she was confused and felt slightly rejected because I had not made any moves. I had expressed that I liked her, and she had expressed that she had always liked me too. Fast foward a few weeks we went to a part and made out heavily, and would have had sex but something came up preventing that. Anyway since then we have continued to snapchat and talk via phone, and have hungout a few times, but i am unsure how to proceed. She has mentioned being afraid to lose our friendship if we continue to go foward, and this prevents me from wanting to advance on her further, but then at times she will come on to me, or put my hand somewhere on her body. Lastly when I am with her I notice she snapchats alot of other guys and what not. Anyway feel free to ask any clarifying questions. Do I have a brutally honest convo with her? Do i continue to not be definitive with my intentions until she is? Do I just tell her how I feel? In person, or over snapchat/text? Help me
Tldr: Ive been getting mixed signals from a girl I really like, and dont know what to do.
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, April 11, 2022
Why am I [M20] craving validation from my ex [F19]?
My ex and I broke up mutually after seeing that being together was terrible for us. The relationship was getting in the way of our lives and happiness.
I would say I am romantically over this person. I know this person is terrible for me and I don't want to get back with her. I wouldn't feel anything if she was with another man.
I still somehow want this person to be happy. Despite her treating me poorly, I know she's just projecting her trauma and insecurities. She has a lot of issues she needs to fix. I don't completely blame her. We just weren't ready to be in a relationship. I know she's not a terrible person either. She's very caring towards her friends. Just not someone I would want to get involved romantically.
I wanted nothing more than to end things with happiness. To look back at the relationship and smile. Maybe even laugh about it. Nobody did anything morally wrong, we didn't cuss or yell. We weren't mean. But my ex is seeing things with so much negativity. She's going out of her way to humiliate me and spread rumors about me. I was so shocked (because mostly this was behind my back) so I asked her about it. She is refusing to give me an answer.
While I am over ex, I am not over the fact that my ex hates me. It makes it feel like all the time spent was wasted. It makes it feel like everything was fake. I don't want to get back together with my ex, but I want her to at least acknowledge the amount of effort I put in and respect me for what I did. It's the fact that I still strongly care about someone who went out of their way to hate me. It's beyond humiliating.
TLDR:
I'm over my ex, but not over the fact that someone who cared about me now hates me.
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, April 10, 2022
My husband’s constant complaining about not having a career and “pursuing his dream” is driving me insane.
My husband’s constant complaining about not having a career and “pursuing his dream” is driving me insane.
My husband (33) and I (30) have been married for seven years and have two beautiful children together, and living what many would consider the American dream. We aren’t rich but with both of our incomes combined we make a comfortable living. Since before we got married my husband always wanted to pursue a career in Aviation, and becoming a commercial pilot has always been his lifelong passion and something he’s dreamt of doing since he was a child.
He completed a two year program and earned his Associate’s degree in Aviation but due to some roadblocks along the way with getting his private pilots license due to a medical condition that required clearance he was not able to obtain his private pilot’s license and pursue his career path. He was finally able to get clearance however all of his tests expired and things got put on the back burner as a result. We met and married a year after he finished school. He now has an associates degree in aviation that cost us 15k worth of student loan debt (paid off) and there is nothing to show for it. We also paid off my student loans in the process another 15k.
Since that time he has worked what he would consider dead end jobs, jumping from one job to the next. He’s initially happy when he first gets a new job but within six months to a year he falls into the same pattern of burn out and depression. Complaints about how his life isn’t going anywhere, that’s he’s depressed, that I do nothing to help him pursue his dreams that I don’t support him, how he wishes he could just start over. He’s always looking for someone to blame and it’s usually me. Then he begins the job search all over again for what he would consider another “dead end” job. After seven years of this constant cycle it has really began to weigh heavily on me. I’m now at a point that when he starts the complaints and job searches that I just ignore him because I’m so mentally exhausted, and I know nothing I say will make a difference.
I love my husband so much, he’s an amazing husband and father and I would give anything to see him happy, and pursuing his dreams. I wish love and support was all that were necessary and if that were the case we would have been there by now, but money is a huge factor. Becoming a commercial pilot is an extremely expensive and time consuming endeavor 80-100k minimum just to obtain the license itself and not including the 1500 hours that is required after that to even get hired anywhere. I’ve tried to get my husband to pursue getting a more “affordable” degree or to take on a trade just so he can have a solid and stable career with benefits and job satisfaction just as a stepping stone to fund his flying in the process. However, he never sees anything through, and he never likes the options I give him, and the things he has pursued never work out. He wants to snap his fingers and watch everything magically fall in his lap. But the hard truth is the career he has chosen to pursue will take him years to complete unless we get ourselves in a bunch of debt just so he can get it done quickly.
I know he’s never going to be happy until he is doing what he wants to do and this will continue to weigh heavily on our marriage. Some people are content just having a job to pay the bills and make a comfortable living, he will never be that person. I feel like he’s always going to be like the highschool quarterback who would have made it to the NFL if it wasn’t for an injury that held them back and I’ll never hear the end of it. He knows how I feel, we do well with communication in our marriage. I’m just so tired of repeating myself like a broken record that I’ve resorted to silence with him.
We only get two days off together every two weeks due to our schedules and he’s ruined our weekend off together because he’s been sulking about his job and lack of career.
TDLR: I’m just frustrated and needed somewhere to vent my thoughts. Thank you for listening.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, April 9, 2022
My father [M63] wants to be closer to me. But his emotional side triggers my avoidance. I [M18] feel really bad because I care about him. How can I fix this?
I am so grateful that I have people in my life that care about me. I'm very close with my mother, my friends, and I have a pretty secure attachment style. I love building intimacy with others.
But this doesn't apply to my father. His feminine, emotional side just weirds me out in a way. I feel terribly sorry because I know he cares about me but it's not really a father figure that I am looking for.
I find it extremely hard to open up to him. I can't ever show him my emotions and when he does show his and reaches out it's feels suffocating and I need space.
Again, I don't know why because I'm usually never avoidant with anyone else. He's made so many sacrifices for my education and I am so grateful for that. And I know there are many people who would want a father like mine. It's my last year home before I move to college so I want to make my relationship with my father better.
TLDR:
Basically the title.
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, April 8, 2022
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