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Sunday, January 14, 2024

Please kindly tell me that my guy friend, who is taken, is just trying to be a good friend.

I [25F] came to develop feelings for one of my guy friends who is in a happy relationship with his girlfriend of over 4 years. I know it's bad and so I always try to keep some distance, but because he is such a nice guy it's hard for me to get over my feelings.

I hate crushing on someone taken, but I have been overthinking a recent interaction lately and need some objective third parties to tell me that he just sees me as good friend. Nothing more.

For context we aren't best friends or anything, but he is one of my closer guy friends and I can say we both always enjoy each other's company. He is very friendly towards me and likes to talk to me about our shared hobby and usually he is the one reaching out to me over something through text. I try to avoid reaching out to him since it would feel inappropriate as I have feelings and I don't want to be inconsiderate towards his girlfriend. For some reason, it feels like he understands how I'm feeling and appreciates me for who I am and that has unfortunately been making it harder for me to get over him.

Recently, my group of friends (my guy friend was in there too) and I had been in an online call together, I was a little quieter than usual as I had been feeling down due to a few of the people the past few days (not him though). After I hopped off the call, I was shocked to see he sent me a really considerate text saying how he wanted to apologize in case I was feeling down, but that he might be overthinking it since he was a little drunk (a few of them had gone out earlier that night). I was honestly really surprised as he'd never been considerate like that to me before and I hadn't told anyone I was feeling down or what the reason was. I was surprisedthe noticed something was off, along with the fact that he somehow knew the reason and cared enough to text me still slightly drunk. I cried pretty hard after reading his text as it had genuinely touched me and all the sadness and resentment I hadn't realized I was holding in the past few days came pouring out. Needless to say, it was now another reason why I was struggling to get over my feelings. But I know it can't happen, so I would appreciate being told that he is just trying to be a good friend.

Any advice on how to get over him without completely ignoring him (he's still a friend I care about) would be great as well.

tl;dr My taken guy friend is too friendly and nice to me so it makes me hard for me to get over my crush on him. Any tips would be appreciated.

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* This article was originally published here

Saturday, January 13, 2024

My (25 f) husband (25 m) doesn’t think I’m attractive

TL; DR; my husband spends his nights gaming and it makes him not attracted to me.

Hi guys, like I said in the title, my husband doesn't think I'm attractive. I did everything to make him feel satisfied with my looks. I'm not ugly. I'm tall, blonde, skinny woman. And he still doesn't compliment me, doesn't look at me like he used to. He doesn't touch me. We don't even have intimacy anymore bc he says he's stressed with the situation that's been solved some time ago. He says he needs more time, but it's been a year and still nothing changed. I don't really know what to do. I get compliments from other guys on daily basis, but it's still not him. He doesn't pay attention to me. I know he's not cheating on me. He spends his nights gaming with friends, and I go to bed alone almost every single night. When he comes to bed, he spends hours on TikTok While I sleep (I have to get up early for work) so it leaves no time for intimacy. He doesn't even want to have sex with me. I tried to talk to him so many times about it, but he only gets irritated that I mention this topic again. It makes me feel so unattractive and unappreciated. I do everything for him to make him feel like the best man ever. And yet I get nothing like that from him. I don't know what to do. Is there any chance I can change that?

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* This article was originally published here

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Should I (24F) be paying more rent than my boyfriend(26M)?

I (F24) live with my boyfriend (M25) of 4 years in large city. We moved in together 1 year ago after I had recently gotten a very good new job, that increased my income. We currently pay $730 per week rent, which has been split $400 (me), $330 (my boyfriend).

For context I have been on $180k for the last year, an increase from my job for the year prior to that where I was on $65k Whilst my boyfriend has been on c.$80k.

Whilst I make a large amount more than my boyfriend, he has significantly more savings than me. I have $100k, saved up mostly from my last year working. My boyfriend has $190k, saved up from working, and also a significant recent investment payoff of c.$80k which his parents helped him with.

He believes that he “makes no money” and it is good to “have a security blanket” and I should continue to pay more rent. I am happy to pay a bit more, as I have done over the past year, however I don’t think it’s exactly fair to keep paying more given overall he has a large amount more money than me.

It is probably important to note too that I grew up in a lower income household and don’t have anyone else to rely upon for money except myself. I think I have a pretty good grasp of the value of money, I am very greatfull to have such a high paying job at a young age. My goal is to save as much money as I can whilst in this job for a house deposit to help set myself up for the future. Especially as my current job is very high intensity and I likely won’t stay in this job long term.

Whilst my boyfriend has come from a wealthy family who have supported him financially all his life (eg. providing investments, paying for his university degree) and still continue to give him c. $200 a week to help support him given he “makes no money”. He has a security blanket and can always fall back on them. I am understanding and happy he is able to get that kind of support from his parents although it frustrates me when he refers to himself as not doing well financially and me doing well.

Lastly, he is working in a job that provides very good exit opportunities and if he wanted could get another job likely around $150k. However, is currently pursuing athletics alongside his job and given the time commitment doesn’t want to leave his relatively flexible job.

Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? How should we be splitting the rent?

TLDR: I make more than my boyfriend but he is more wealthy, should I be paying more rent?

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* This article was originally published here

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Bf (35m) said I (32f) would look better from different angles

I’ve been with my bf for a few months, we’re long distance and have been doing a lot of video calls etc ;)

Last night after we had a really nice time being intimate he said words along the lines of ‘you look lovely but better from different angles, but that’s the same with everyone’. I was in a post-o bliss and didn’t really process what he said but now I’m really upset and hurt.

I’m a bit overweight, I’m curvy, had a soft tummy. I’m not unhealthy, but I enjoy food and exercise.

It’s not the first time he’s commented on my body and I’m starting to think he has some fatphobic thoughts.

He says he loves me but I can’t help think he can’t if he secretly doesn’t even like my curves and shape?!

TLDR: my bf made a comment on my body and now I feel really uncomfortable

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* This article was originally published here

Monday, January 8, 2024

What should I do about my gf(20) guy bestfriend

Tldr: I was wondering whether I should try and push my girlfriend to decide whether to chose between me or her guy bestfriend and was wondering what would you do?

My girlfriend(20f) and I (21m) have been dating for about 4 months now.

Hi all here to ask for some other insight into my current troubles with my girlfriend of 4 months. There has been a guy friend who has honestly completely messed with my head and before you call me insecure or controlling please hear me out. So this guy who I’ll call B has been a good friend of my girlfriend from before we met and I’ve never had good feelings about B I’ve seen there previous chat logs and it’s all abdomen pictures and my girlfriend had also sent provocative photos in return (mind you this was all before I knew her) when I asked about these photos and what there relationship is like and whether I should be worried she shrugs it off tells me they had a “moment” one night and realised they didn’t find eachother attractive and didn’t do it again. Fast forward a week after that conversation my girlfriend and I had a small argument like couples do and she went to him for support, she told me what he said about the argument and what he thought about it to which I blew up and told her she shouldn’t be going to other guys about our problems to which she agreed and to my knowledge hasn’t done it since. Then I kid you not, not even a day later he “accidentally” sends my girlfriend a provocative photo to which I don’t find out about till about 1-2 weeks later. Obviously I was quite upset I wasn’t told and when I asked why I wasn’t told she said because she thought I was going to tell her to block him. To be fair as much as I’d like to say block him I can’t, I do not control her and it is entirely her decision she can decide what to do judging by my reaction to the situation and how it benefits our relationship. This was quite early in the relationship and during our relationship up till now I’ve definitely brought up concerns where I see her not giving me attention at all or shrugging my efforts to text him and her responses to me bringing up my concerns is usually met with silence, anger toward me while she completely defends him and claims he was there throughout all of her struggles. Fast forward to today I thought to myself while she was asleep whether the provocative photos I saw way early on were still there which led me to do something I hadn’t don’t before which was go on her phone and check there chat. I found every single photo they had sent before our relationship including the provocative ones. And what I found was there was so many more than I remember spanning from when they first started texting up till a couple weeks before I started dating my now girlfriend. Which has made me question whether it was “just a one night thing” and this is where my problem arises how do I bring this up to talk about with her and what my next move is. Thanks for reading desperately need another opinion on this.

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* This article was originally published here