My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He’s a very loving, caring, soft-hearted man who cherishes and respects me, and so many other amazing traits that made me fall in love with him and turn a blind eye to the issue.
Now to the issue: when we met he had no job, and he was fine with it. In our culture you stay in your parents house until you’re married, so he was living with his parents money, he was 24 at the time so i found it weird that he’s still using his parents money, but i kept finding excuses to him in my mind.
Later in the relationship, i found him a job suitable for his lack of experience, and he’s in that job ever since. He started to think about the future and how he can improve himself and find another job that pays much, but he only talks and never does anything to make that happen. I’m in HR so i have connections, and i tried to find him a job at a better place but he said he’s afraid he wouldn’t like the new place and he’s afraid they wouldn’t like him and eventually fire him and he ends up with no job.
When i finally woke up and realized something is wrong here, i immediately linked his behavior to his relationship with his mother. His relationship with his mother is so weird to me, and I can’t understand it, they’re attached to each in a way a 3 year old is attached to his mother, and vise versa. When he’s at his job, she texts him constantly, and he does too. Sometimes he screenshots the texts between them and I cringe reading it! She tells him that she misses him so much and that the house is so dark and depressing without him there, and that she’s crying because she misses him and can’t wait for him to get back. He shows the chat to me with pride saying that his mother loves him so much and that he’s so grateful to having her, but all that does to me is making me feel weird!
She cuddles and kisses him on the forehead and cheeks, tells him how handsome of a man he is, and how much she loves him.
He never goes to the doctor without her, even if it’s something minor, and whenever we’re on a date, she constantly texts him if the foos is good, and if he arrived to the place safely (WHAT?), and when is he coming back home. The last straw was when i found out that he doesn’t go to the barber and that his mom cuts his hair for
How can i change that? How can i explain to him that their relationship is not healthy, and that it will take a toll on ours, and that the consequences of their attachment to each other is harming his life and his future? Should i just leave him because he’s a lost cause? Or is here any hope that i can change him?
Tl;dr: my boyfriend’s relationship with his mom is like a 3 year old and his mom. They’re attached to each other in an unhealthy way, which made him grow to be a big child, not able to be responsible. How can i change him into being a man and make him detach from her?
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