They have bipolar and they broke up with me a while back due to a manic episode. And we didn't talk for a few weeks.
It's a common event and it happens almost monthly.
They always come back and things get better only for another episode and then they break up etc.
This time something happened idk.
In that time, in a moment of self destruction I went to those subs where you can meet and talk to people.
I never did anything sexual there even though I could have. I really just talked to people and wanted someone's company.
We started talking again. Have been for a few days now.
They initiated the contact after another round of anger, shouting, blaming me for their episodes and things I have 0 control over.
And we had the same fight again. They're medicated but it's not working, they're still having the same issues but only slightly less intense. They're ignoring all the guidelines and therapist advice about stress and exercise. I tell them to stop putting so much pressure on becoming famous and making money. Please just get better. I've been doing this song and dance for 3 years now.
And in those three years, they never did.
The only thing they're doing for their mental health is watching motivational videos and taking their meds. They make big grandoise promises about how they'll make it this time. How this business will make it up and how they just need X amount of money to join some new MLM.
And this time something snapped in me.
I went did sexual things with people on those subs and the websites where you can do online exhibitionism.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know if I love them.
But I don't wanna hurt them.
But I'm so tired of them shouting at me and blaming me and never taking responsibility for their episodes.
I was lonely and I wanted someone to just appreciate me.
I fucked up.
That's not the way to do it.
What do I do now?
I want to breakup, and I mostly will. But how do I communicate that I'm not leaving because they have bipolar but because of how they make it my problem?
Tldr- partner with bipolar is negligent and takes it out on me. Fucked by going to Omegle like websites for sexual stuff.
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* This article was originally published here
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