I feel guilty about my reaction to my girlfriend telling me about getting an STI before I met her

I (29M) have been with my girlfriend (26F) for almost seven years. A few days ago we were chatting in bed and she told me that a couple of years before she met me she slept with a guy who gave her chlamydia. I was pretty shocked because she never mentioned it before in all those years.

She said the guy didn’t really mean anything to her and that she didn’t particularly like him. I responded by saying “Well, you liked him enough to have unprotected sex with him.” She didn’t seem to react to that but I’ve been feeling bad about saying that since. Looking back, it seems cruel.

Since then we’ve had sex a few times and it’s been fine in the moment. Afterwards though I keep picturing her having sex with this other guy from her past (I have a very strong image of it from his POV) and I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel really uncomfortable about it and I find myself running over it in my mind.

I knew she wasn’t a virgin when I met her and of course that never bothered me before - is that what’s bothering me now? Why should I feel insecure about her sleeping with this particular guy, she says just the one time, a couple of years before she ever even knew I existed?

I haven’t discussed any of this with her since because I don’t want to hurt her feelings and be cruel about a very personal matter that she shared with me, but it is bothering me.

I absolutely adore her and I don’t want to feel any different about her than I did but in the back of my mind, I worry that perhaps I do now feel different about her - possibly permanently?

It feels unjustified to think this way but I worry that I can’t help it. Is this an arsehole reaction to have? Is it normal?

I should say at this point that I’ve been suffering from depression and pretty debilitating anxiety for the last year and a half or so and have recently started therapy - I don’t know if this is merely an expression of that condition or something deeper. (This is of course a subject for my therapist, not reddit but I thought it might help to give context.)

In short - how have other people handled this situation in a healthy way?

TL;DR: My girlfriend told me she caught an STI from a previous partner before we were together. I’m worried that I haven’t reacted to it in a healthy way.

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I (18F) am not sure about my feelings towards my close friend (18M)

To give some context, we met last year November. We hit it off, kinda liked each other and rushed into a relationship one month later (don’t flame me please, I know that was dumb now and that we should have waited longer😭).

Around Jan this year, I realised that when I thought of him, I didn’t get butterflies or didn’t feel silly happy, like I was in my previous relationship. It’s not that I don’t love him, I very much do, but I started hesitating on whether it was romantic or platonic love.

I didn’t bring it up with him because he is the type of overthink, and I didn’t want him to do that. But of course, that was dumb and I should’ve just communicated directly instead.

So it kept manifesting. It got to the point where I felt uncomfortable whenever we were talking (eg, being worried about acidentally hurting him if I tell him what’s on my mind) and to the point where it just took up my mind the entire time I was at school.

On the first week of Feb, I finally decided to confide in my besties. None of them actually had dating experience, but I was pretty much desperate at that point.

Afterwards, I made my mind up to break up with him. I shouldn’t lead him on when I myself am unsure about the status of my feelings. I cried a lot doing so, because I was scared he’d think I was leaving him.

He was understandably upset. But he took some time off and since then till now, we have been normal regular friends.

However, I get so jealous whenever I see him interact or talk to other girls. I feel oddly possessive and I hate it. It eats away at me inside. This suggests I have feelings for him, but yet again, I still dont get butterflies nor feel silly-happy whenever I think of him, which suggests the opposite.

I know I sound like a douchebag, but I genuinely need to figure out how I feel, or I’ll lose my mind worrying.

What should I do? Should I distance myself from him? Has anyone been in this situation? I’ve spent loads of time trying to figure out how I feel, but I seriously don’t know. Please help me.

TLDR: me struggling to figure out my feelings towards a close friend and need some advice

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I (25F) don’t know how to get over some things my bf (23M) has said to me.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now, and there are just some comments he’s made that I find really hard to forget. Obligatory he treats me great otherwise, and I very much like him and would prefer not to break up.

For example, he’s made comments like:

-mixed girls are perfect and the best of both worlds. (I’m white, I look nothing like a mixed race black girl).

-I have to accept that there are going to be people more attractive than me out there, and be realistic and accept that.

-at base level, all relationships are transactional.

-they don’t go together, he’s not as attractive as she is. Why would she be with him? (in response to seeing a couple out in public.)

He’s said he prefers being logical about things, but I feel like someone should value being kind to their SO than being logical. I just don’t know how to let go of these comments and get over them. Is it naive or unrealistic that I want to be with someone who thinks the sun shines out of my ass? Do these comments indicate that he doesn’t think that, or am I wrong?

Tl;dr: bf makes some comments relating to my and other appearances and it makes me feel like he doesn’t totally like me 100%.

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Unmatched the person that ghosted me. Reasonable?

I met someone on an app a few weeks ago. We had a few lovely conversations. Except they would only happen late at night or after midnight for some reason. We had a call and he asked me out and I said. He kept saying how he’s looking forward to it. In the middle between setting up the date and the date itself we had barely any conversation. He just said he doesn’t like texting.

We called again and confirmed the day. I messaged a couple days after to confirm my timings and he didn’t reply. So I called and he said he’s busy with work. So I then asked him to let me know so I can make plans around it because I’m going to another city (was going there anyway). He said he will the day after. He didn’t and I replied suggested a specific time. He didn’t reply. He was online several times. We were supposed to meet today and no response so I assume I was ghosted right? I unmatched after wishing him the best.

TL;DR: is it reasonable that I unmatched someone who ghosted me despite having planned a date? 28F

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I (24f) just found pictures of my boyfriend (30M) and his ex on an old USB drive. I feel very hurt by it.

Me (24F) and my bf (30M) have been together for 2 years now. We love, trust and care for each other and he says he has never been happier, which I believe. We are planning a future together as well, and are very committed.

Today I found an old USB that I didn`t even realize was his, until I put it in the computer. I looked because I thought it was mine and I wanted to use it, so I checked what was on it and I found a bunch of folders with images from his past. Some were family, some were vacations etc, but in a lot of them were images of him and his ex (exes?, I think there was more than one ex - but I didn˙t even look further, because I cound´t stand looking at him with another woman). I have never seen these, nor did I want to see them, and seeing him in photos with other women in loving/erotic poses and such, really hurt me.

I don`t know why he still has them, he probably forgot they were on the USB, but it still hurt me a lot. I am a jealous person - but not in a way where I wouldn´t let him be around women or anything, to be clear - I get very jealous and hurt when I see his past, which is already behind him. I think he should˙ve deleted those when they broke up, otherwise I don´t know why he would˙ve kept them, let alone kept them on an USB that I could´ve mistakenly looked at, like I did today. It could be an honest mistake, forgetting they were there, but still... It hurt me!

He isn´t at home now, he comes back in 2 days and I plan on confronting him. I love him dearly, but I will not stand for this. I will ask why he has them still and tell him to delete the images without hesitation, or I am done. We are planning a future together and if he doesn´t delete these - delete his past, I can´t trust that we can move forward. The past is the past for a reason. He should not have those photos, especially if he plans on marrying me.

Am I overreacting or am I right in thinking those should´ve been deleted a long time ago. What should I do?

TL;DR - Today I found photos of my boyfriend and his ex on an old USB drive and got very hurt by seeing the images.

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girlfriend tells me exes were nicer

As above my girlfriend has told me how all her exes (3) We're nicer than me, exes never treat me like this, never made me suicidal and even had the I've had bigger than you comment from her. I've done so much for this woman I work 50-60hrs a week and take her out all at my expense, I make sure the house is kept warm while she isn't at work. I've booked a night out for her and a friend with tickets to a show and hotel paid for by me. I do the little things like make her breakfast after I've finished nightshift and she's in bed still, I drove her to and from her last night out, I cook for her, I run her a bath for after work, ill go out my way to do and make her happy yet I get the feeling she isn't happy when she's saying things like that.

Tl; Dr : girlfriend tells me how exes are nicer, never treat her this bad and that one was bigger than me (penis wise) Any advice would be great, thank you.

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Is this a red flag? 31M and 28F.

I’ll just keep this short. My [31M] girlfriend [28F] have been together for 4 years. About a year and a half ago, I caught her having a bit of an emotional affair with a guy on Facebook. Ever since then, she’s let me look at her phone and her messages because it really put my worries to their max.

A few days ago, she told me she was talking to guys on Reddit (she made posts looking to make friends). I asked to see her phone and she said she doesn’t want to do that anymore because it isn’t helping my insecurities and it isn’t me working on my trust. She showed me, but was very mad about it. Nothing too concerning, but I did notice she and a couple of guys have moved to WhatsApp and Telegram. They have also sent selfies to each other.

I checked this morning to see if she changed the password on her phone and she did; also removed my face from her Face ID. She said she no longer wants to show me her phone.

I’m very worried about this. Am I being too paranoid or does this sound like nothing to worry about? I also want to add that I’ve been feeling a little more worried than usual because in our last big fight that almost led to a breakup, she said she wasn’t sure if she’s in love with me anymore. We’ve been lovey and intimate lately, so I’m not sure what to feel.

tl;dr: Girlfriend doesn’t want to show me her messages after telling me she’s talking to guys from Reddit.

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