I (29M) have been with my girlfriend (26F) for almost seven years. A few days ago we were chatting in bed and she told me that a couple of years before she met me she slept with a guy who gave her chlamydia. I was pretty shocked because she never mentioned it before in all those years.
She said the guy didn’t really mean anything to her and that she didn’t particularly like him. I responded by saying “Well, you liked him enough to have unprotected sex with him.” She didn’t seem to react to that but I’ve been feeling bad about saying that since. Looking back, it seems cruel.
Since then we’ve had sex a few times and it’s been fine in the moment. Afterwards though I keep picturing her having sex with this other guy from her past (I have a very strong image of it from his POV) and I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel really uncomfortable about it and I find myself running over it in my mind.
I knew she wasn’t a virgin when I met her and of course that never bothered me before - is that what’s bothering me now? Why should I feel insecure about her sleeping with this particular guy, she says just the one time, a couple of years before she ever even knew I existed?
I haven’t discussed any of this with her since because I don’t want to hurt her feelings and be cruel about a very personal matter that she shared with me, but it is bothering me.
I absolutely adore her and I don’t want to feel any different about her than I did but in the back of my mind, I worry that perhaps I do now feel different about her - possibly permanently?
It feels unjustified to think this way but I worry that I can’t help it. Is this an arsehole reaction to have? Is it normal?
I should say at this point that I’ve been suffering from depression and pretty debilitating anxiety for the last year and a half or so and have recently started therapy - I don’t know if this is merely an expression of that condition or something deeper. (This is of course a subject for my therapist, not reddit but I thought it might help to give context.)
In short - how have other people handled this situation in a healthy way?
TL;DR: My girlfriend told me she caught an STI from a previous partner before we were together. I’m worried that I haven’t reacted to it in a healthy way.
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