My fiancee and I are in a long distance relationship for a little more than 5 years now. I proposed to her last year. I am almost done with university and already found a job in a city rather far away from my family and friends. The plan was to marry this year and finally live together there.
First, here is the timeline of her ex boyfriends.
Ex A -> Ex B -> Ex C -> Me
So, yesterday Ex C wrote me a message saying they were constantly chatting and calling each other for the last 5 years. There are screenshots of up-to 20 calls a day. She constantly complained to him about me, told him I was an abuser, controlling and so on. Naturally, Ex C who lives just as far away as I do, who is still in love with her, wanted to take her to his place and start a new life there. He said at times she was even begging him to do it, and so he finally decided to buy train tickets and show up at her place. She started panicking and got in an argument with him. Finally, he was so fed up with her lies - he decided to tell me everything.
Now, we started talking, and he casually mentioned that he would never forgive cheating. I was kind of surprised, because I didnt know of her cheating on me. So he told me: 3 years ago, when we had an argument, she just called Ex A, got into a car with him. They drove to a lake and fucked there. She told HIM immediately after. And although I was jealous and suspected something was off - to me she always denied it.
I confronted her with it - meanwhile she was begging me to stay, swore she would never lie again - but denied that she ever cheated on me. She said "I dont remember and I would remember such a thing". She proceeded begging me to not leave her. After about an hour of begging and trying to call me, she confessed to me that she - in fact - slept with Ex A.
I can't imagine how I am supposed to trust her... She already fucked her ex, she probably did it again without anyone knowing - I know they talked and met again a couple of times. Im not sure what to think, I planned my whole life around her. We wanted to finally live together. Now I have a job far away from my mom and my friends. I dont want to throw away the 5 years we had together, and I can forgive her fucking her ex. It was 3 years ago, she was younger and a lot more stupid. People change. But the fact that she was lying WHILE BEGGING ME to forgive her. While PROMISING to never lie again. That is so fucked up. I dont know if I should forgive her... who knows how many other people she fucked. Who knows if she fucked her ex last week. I obviously cant trust her.
I dont know what to do, I dont know what to think. My whole life planning just went down the drain, my whole motivation in life was to live with her, together - and i dont know if I should forgive her. She will lie again and that is a fact, but maybe she can change... Although I suspect she has some kind of borderline, I cant imagine why a person would try to lie in every word otherwise. I never prohibited her from talking to Ex C, or anyone else. I even explcitly said it was okay to talk to him and that the only thing that hurts me is the constant lies. And STILL, she tried to hide it from me as best as she could. Deleted chats, had burner accounts and so on.
What are your opinions on this whole shitshow? What should I do...?
tl;dr fiancee cheated on me with ex 3 years ago. I found out from another ex who she talked to constantly for 5 years.
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* This article was originally published here
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