To give some context, we met last year November. We hit it off, kinda liked each other and rushed into a relationship one month later (don’t flame me please, I know that was dumb now and that we should have waited longer😭).
Around Jan this year, I realised that when I thought of him, I didn’t get butterflies or didn’t feel silly happy, like I was in my previous relationship. It’s not that I don’t love him, I very much do, but I started hesitating on whether it was romantic or platonic love.
I didn’t bring it up with him because he is the type of overthink, and I didn’t want him to do that. But of course, that was dumb and I should’ve just communicated directly instead.
So it kept manifesting. It got to the point where I felt uncomfortable whenever we were talking (eg, being worried about acidentally hurting him if I tell him what’s on my mind) and to the point where it just took up my mind the entire time I was at school.
On the first week of Feb, I finally decided to confide in my besties. None of them actually had dating experience, but I was pretty much desperate at that point.
Afterwards, I made my mind up to break up with him. I shouldn’t lead him on when I myself am unsure about the status of my feelings. I cried a lot doing so, because I was scared he’d think I was leaving him.
He was understandably upset. But he took some time off and since then till now, we have been normal regular friends.
However, I get so jealous whenever I see him interact or talk to other girls. I feel oddly possessive and I hate it. It eats away at me inside. This suggests I have feelings for him, but yet again, I still dont get butterflies nor feel silly-happy whenever I think of him, which suggests the opposite.
I know I sound like a douchebag, but I genuinely need to figure out how I feel, or I’ll lose my mind worrying.
What should I do? Should I distance myself from him? Has anyone been in this situation? I’ve spent loads of time trying to figure out how I feel, but I seriously don’t know. Please help me.
TLDR: me struggling to figure out my feelings towards a close friend and need some advice
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* This article was originally published here
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