My (23 MtF) LDR bf (18M) hasnt messaged me in 3 weeks. Has a history of weeks long depressive ruts and shutting off

I haven't heard of him in 3 weeks now (since Sep.9th) and he's been on and off with him having depressive ruts. Having his best friend go to uni and losing him as a co-worker (they worked in the same place together), he has said before he feels like a failure (though he's been training for Special Forces for AF Special Recon with his coaches when he ships out in the future) but recently he's been slowly recovering from it, with him going to the gym recently from when he last messaged. He often tells me he doesn't deserve me, is not a good partner romantically, saying he's wishy washy in being emotionally available but I repeatedly would reassure him that we'd go through it together. He says he tends to shut off when he goes through ruts of depression, last time being only several days and it really makes me anxious if he ghosted me (even he assures me I never annoy him or would never ghost me), apologizing when he does have depression and shut off when he msg's me and even called himself a jerk.

We've been going on for a month right now talking everyday until depression would get the best of him.

He would express his gratitude in telling me I'm the best when it comes to supporting him, since he is usually the type of guy to not dump his emotions as much, but is more like a listener. Should I just give him space since I'd messaged him but he hasn't responded back since Sep.9th? It's making me fill with anxiety and I'm losing sleep just overthinking about it all day I've been hurt by a lot of guys before and it depresses me to go back to square one if he has ghosted me.

I also would check funeral homes in his local area to check if something bad happened to him and if he died... and I hate this anxiety that I have.

TLDR:

Bf not messaging in 3 weeks, has a history of depressive ruts for weeks and has a tendency to shut off, should I think he given up on us?

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Am I (30f) doing the right thing for my bf (28m)?

My bf is studying for his physical therapist certification exam. He is super anxious about it and has even told me that he needs me to push him a little to study because it's affecting him so much he gets scared to study. We haven't set a date for the test yet because I believe he needs to go into it with better confidence.

However, whenever I bring up studying it becomes clear that I have ruined his whole mood. He stops smiling and becomes distant. I don't take it personally because I know he's just so anxious about it but has told me on multiple occasions that he needs me to be on top of him about this. I don't nag and I don't bring it up everyday or when we're having fun or out with friends, etc.

The thing is that he keeps putting a lot of energy into other projects, which I've supported because it's good for him to express himself. But today I brought up the question, as kindly as I could, if maybe he is using all of these projects as a way to avoid studying. He didn't respond and changed the subject before heading out, not angrily or anything, but clearly down.

I'm not sure what the best approach is here. I've asked if maybe he should talk to a therapist but money is really tight right now. I've asked if he wants me to back off with the studying but he always says no because he knows that he needs to do it. I'm seriously at a loss here about what to do. He has already taken a break from it all for a few months, which I supported because I knew that medical school had been so draining.

I just have no idea how I can help him. Any advice would be appreciated.

Tl;dr: bf asks me to remind him to study but gets upset and distant whenever I do and I don't know how else to help him.

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Me (20M) has a phat crush on my flatmate (F20) things did happen but she called it off

So basically I'm a uni student and around February time I needed to start looking for a place to live for this current uni year that just started. I decided to move in with my best mate/roommate for the previous years and 2 of his mates I'd not met. We signed the contract and everything and then around spring time I thought I should hang out with his mates. Straight away I had a massive crush on, lets just call her x. me and x got on extremely well and tbh kinda flirty but at the time she had a bf. The more we hung out the more my feeling grew. Then in summer she broke up with her bf and I was the first person she came to to talk about it. I'm not an arsehole so I didn't try anything. A few months went by and my feelings still very much there and she was getting more flirty by the day. We were texting 24/7 and even facetiming some nights. Then just before we move in I tell her how i feel to try and make it less awkward for me but she said she feels the same and things happen. We move in and get very intimate, something I've wanted for a long time. This lasts about 2 weeks before one night we go out, have a really good time, very flirty and coupley we go to bed together, i wake up the next morning, go to work, kiss her goodbye. But then I get a text saying she can't do it anymore. when i get back we talk about it in person and again I'm not an arsehole so I don't try and fight it if she doesn't want it she doesn't want it but tbh I'm really struggling. She gave me everything i wanted and then took it back with a snap of a finger. Normally I'd be chill after a few days but i live with her and can hear her laughing and watching tv with my best mate and stuff like that. I purposely haven't left my room much because I've now got crazy anxiety about seeing her, i feel sick and trapped in my own house. It's not her fault and I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish i could go back to being friends that easy but I've never had a crush this intense before. Has anyone ever had anything like this before/have any advice to make me more conformable and to get rid of my feeling quickly.

​

TL:DR; Had a crush on a girl for a while, and chose to live with her before I'd really met her. confessed my feelings just before we moved in, and she said she felt the same was great for 2 weeks then she ended it now don't know what to do

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Brother (32m) wants me (25f) to make up with toxic sister (27f) before his wedding or not come

Six months ago I had a massive fight with my sister over my life choices. I don't feel that the choices I made were wrong, but there were things I said mid-argument that were over the line. She was living with me at the time, she moved out without a word the next day. I called to apologise but she blocked me. I sent her an email and she replied "Thanks.". We've seen each other twice since then. The first time I tried to talk to her, and she told me to fuck off. The second time I didn't even try, which was just as well as she told our brother she was going to just tell me to fuck off again if I tried talking to her.

Having had some time to reflect, and some therapy, I have come to the conclusion that my life is better without my sister in it. I know that sounds horrible, but when she was in my life I was always worried about her, what she was doing, and what she'd think of my life. My siblings (38m, 32m, 27f, me, 17f, and 1f) and I all have issues, but she's the only sibling who I feel worse after talking to, because when I talk to her she tends to just take digs at my life choices. I'm just not sure what my presence in her life, and vice versa, will do at this point to make things better.

Our older brother (32m) is getting married just before the new year. I'm very happy for him, and am in theory very excited to come to the wedding, but he's now said that unless I make up with our sister, neither of us are invited. I've said I won't be hostile, I just won't speak to her, and he's said that isn't good enough, we're his sisters, he loves us and wants us to have a relationship. I feel forced into this, because I love my brother and want to be there for him, and I do love my sister, but I don't feel the need to apologise, particularly as my sister has a habit of expecting an apology without giving one back, and she said things in that argument, too, that I don't believe she feels bad for.

I want to go to my brother's wedding, and be there for him on his day. I'm also going to be bringing 1f and 17f who live with me, plus my son (4m), so if I don't go 1f and 4m can't go and 17f will have to go alone, which she isn't comfortable with, but I can't agree to reconcile with my older sister when I have no reason to believe she's changed, and aside from the comments made during the argument, which I have already apologised for, I have done nothing wrong. I have already tried to say this to my brother once, and he said that he has bigger things to deal with than our petty argument, and this is our thing to work out, even though he's the one who wants it resolved and it isn't petty.

What is my best route out of this situation, ideally one that still lets me go to his wedding?

TL;DR: Brother getting married and wants me to resolve issues with our sister before the wedding. I feel that my issues with our sister are better left unresolved but he doesn't want to hear it. I still really want to attend his wedding but not if it means catering to sister.

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My (29F) mom (69F) is driving me completely insane and it's damaging our relationship

Me and my mom have always been close since I was a kid. She's a lovely lady who always made me and my older sister her number one focus. We always grew up feeling loved and had a great childhood.

As I've become an adult, as with all parental relationships our relationship has changed to a more friend sort of relationship. I moved away to College at 18 but we would call each other most days and see each other maybe once every 2 weeks. After College I moved in with my boyfriend who I've lived with every since. We kept up the calls and regular visits.

As time has passed, I've noticed negative quirks with my mom. She has always been incredibly chatty, but it feels like it's gotten to a point where when we talk, its a one way conversation. When in a group, it feels like she dominates. If anyone begins a topic, she'll pivot it to what she wants to talk about and then just barrage everyone with stories about her life for hours. She HATES when anyone tries to do this to her, and accuses them of talking over her or being rude.

Just in general, now instead of being happy to see her, I worry that shes going to do something embarrassing or just dominate the situation to the point where it feels like theres no point in even doing it. It feels like all my friends, my partners family and friends etc all "know" what she's like and have accepted it, but laugh at her behind her back. To a degree I do this too, it feels like the only way I can cope with it. Me and my sister frequently talk to each other for hours about how she's driving us crazy.

I think elements of these negatives have always existed its not like she's completely changed, but it feels like over the last 5 years or so, these negative quirks have intensified to the point where when we talk, I literally feel like she doesn't give a shit about anything I do or have to say. It's like shes bottled up a month of conversation topics in her head and then when we talk she unleashes them on me like a tidal wave.

She's also incredibly awkward when we're out. She will argue with all wait staff in restaurants we go to. Her food is too cold, its too hot, its not cooked enough, its overcooked. Either she has the worst luck of anyone I have ever met, or theres more to it than this. She isn't rude and berating to the staff, but its just so embarrassing. She'll just start talking to the wait staff about stupid things that they don't care about as well, just like she does with everyone else. When we go out with my parents and other people, I feel so ashamed. If we're in stores and the opportunity arises, she'll start talking to strangers about something for ages.

2 years ago, I snapped at her when I was having lunch with her and my dad. I told her that she didn't listen to me and I feel like she doesn't care at all. That she was selfish, and our talks are just for her. This really upset her and made her cry (my dad stayed out of the conversation entirely). I felt bad, but sometimes you just have to say these things I feel.

Last night, we had an argument about something petty and when we got off the phone I think it all just hit me at once and I cried for an hour. She hasnt changed since I told her 2 years ago, if anything she's even worse that she's even been.

I'm supposed to be going to dinner with her and my dad next week and I'm absolutely dreading it. I know I'm not going to get a word in. I actually think, because I always see my parents together, I probably haven't had a real conversation with my dad for years because she is so dominant in every conversation that neither of us are able to properly talk when shes around. This is absolutely crushing me as I love my dad so much.

My partner thinks that part of this is that she struggles with loneliness in retirement (she's been retired for 9 years, whereas my dad still goes to work every day) and this causes her to bottle up stuff she wants to talk about.

How can I even approach this? It's like she doesn't understand conversations are supposed to be 2 sided. I feel like I've completely lost my mom, and any attempt to reconcile the situation is going to result in her completely denying it and arguing she doesn't act this way, or breaking down in tears, only for 2 years to pass again with nothing changing. How do you teach social skills to someone whos almost 70 years old?!

​

TLDR: My mom talks at people making all convos one sided and embarassing me in front of friends. How do I approach this without making her cry and not change?

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(M29) I’m desperate to touch a woman

I hate myself and I hate life right now. I want to feel a woman’s touch so badly. I almost picked up my phone and called and escort. I’m just afraid of getting in trouble with the law. Anyways I went to a strip club for the first time today. I told myself I was just going to pay for a dance and then leave.

I walked up to one of the strippers and asked how much she charged and then I agreed to pay. Long story short she ended up dancing with other guys but she never danced with me. I’m so upset right now. I haven’t been this upset in a long time. When she was on stage shaking her ass in my face I was so fucking ready to get a lap dance. I haven’t felt a woman’s touch in years. I just desperately want to feel some curves. I was ready to pay for it. For whatever reason she didn’t let me dance with her and she went home.

I can’t even masturbate right now. I feel pathetic as fuck for touching myself when I could have had a woman touching me. I hate life. I won’t even have a chance to try again until Wednesday night. Fuck. Life sucks balls. I was going to give her so much money too. I know I’m lonely and desperate as fuck but I feel like I need this.

Tl;dr I can’t even get a lap dance

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I (15m) am not sure about going back to a situationship with this girl (15f) who I really like

Okay, so there's this girl. She's - quite amazing. She's the best woman i've ever met. She's pretty, she's smart, she has a great sense of humor, great sarcasm, incredibly supportive, nice flirt-to-roast ratio, nice style. Thinking about her and the memories we have makes me smile. We knew each other through a mutual friend and started talking in Feb 2022.

I started falling for her in March 2022, where we held hands, shared a few hugs and were generally flirty. However, she started giving me mixed signals on if I should ask her out. This went into April 2022, where she made it clear that she wasnt interested, and I told her I was moving on from her, because I also made it clear that I was interested. So, she gave me mixed singals and essentially played with me for two months, despite not having bad intentions while doing so (will get to why she didnt have bad intensions later). Anyways, with the school year ending in May 2022, I decided to stop talking to her altogether, because I clearly wasnt moving on from her and was still hung up on her.

She tried to contact me during our summer breaks (June 2022 & July 2022), however, I kept on giving her signals that I did not want to interact with her. I had essentially villainized her in my mind as a woman who plays with guys' feelings. I almost got over her by the end of summer break, but then August 2022 rolled around and this time I could not avoid her. She kept on trying to make convo and I started interacting with her occasionally. That was enough for the feelings to rise back. I started avoiding her in school, until she essentially got mad at me for trying to be "friends" with me.

Anyways, she contacted that mutual friend I mentioned earlier (who we met through) and through her asked her to meet me on the 26th of August. We spent around 40 minutes talking about what all had happened since Feb 2022, where she said that she liked me during that time, and still had some feelings left for me, and was willing to try in a situationship with me (for those unaware, its where you both like each other but arent public and/or dating). I was shocked, I was absolutely surprised. I asked her why she didn't tell me, and she said that it takes time for her to like someone, owing to trauma shes had from previous likings. At this time, I told her that she gave me alot of information to process and that I'd get back to her about us being in a situationship. She hugged me, and said she really loved me and called me cute, I was absolutely smitten even though I knew she didnt mean the love part, it was just more of a way of showing that she really missed me.

Fast forward to a few days ago, and I had sensed alot of tension building up within us. I asked her what was going on, and I explained why I stopped talking to her after June, July and August (becuase I couldnt be friends with her because I'd still have feelings and needed time to move on) she paragraphed me about how shes confused and she doesnt want me to stick around while she figures out her feelings and she asked me to move on, because she knew I liked her too much to stay just friends with her.

So I had no other option but to say that we ghost each other until I was over her nad was ready to be friends again, until she sorted her feelings out. However, 3 hours after we said we'd ghost each other, she asked me to stay, saying that she absolutely loathed the fact that she even asked me to leave her, and that she made a mistake by asking me to leave, saying that she wanted to hug me and wanted me to stay. So I told her to give me some time to think about it.

Now, idk about you but I see something problematic here. I just like her too much to leave her, and it's giving the wrong idea to her if I tell her that I want to stay. I really want to, and I want to try with her. I'd be willing to try with her again and again if it meant for a chance for us to stay together. But, what does that say about my character and my self respect? Do i get back with her as a situationship or not?

TLDR: I keep going back and forth with this girl and am concerned what this says about me as a person.

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my (27M) girlfriend (22F) left me the day my grandmother died and is abusing drugs and alcohol.

I am in love with this woman. We found eachother while we were both in abusive relationships and fell in love every way possible. My ex before her has many issues. Her best friend growing up killed herself over a breakup and I've always been worried she'd do the same. Shes threatened it many times, among many others things that are similar.

We've been seeing eachother for a year and a half. About 8 months ago, I moved out of my house that I lived with my ex at. I've been trying to cut off contact completely, but she is obsessed with me. Even my family is aware. Last time I went no contact, she had a psychotic episode and ended up hospitalized. I've been scared to break her hear since.

On the day my grandma died, my band was playing a show and my ex came to tell me about my grandma's death since my mother reached out to her, since my phone was broken at the time. A friend filmed the concert, and my girlfriend saw this and noticed me next to her. Without thinking first, she immediately freaked out and left me. I dont really blame her, I know how that looks.

She is not with this new guy, already seems really committed to him, and is taking a lot of molly and drinking a lot and it worries me. I've reached out to her friend who told me she loves me a lot, but is very upset and that she just wants her to be happy. I do too, and I know I can make her happy, because she told me that herself. I think she is on a bad path of self destruction.

She stayed the night last night, we kissed a lot and told eachother we love one another many times. She told me she was leaving for work, but I found out she was with the new guy. I texted her asking why she lied and she replied coldly, laughing at me. I feel like such an idiot. I sobbed to her several times while she was over. She was probably trying not to laugh. Her friend told me that she is on drugs ajd drunk and thinking irrationally. I'm worried about her.

Since she left me I've been seriously heartbroken. It's hard for me to eat, sleep, work, anything. We were so perfect for eachother and we both agreed on that last night but she is choosing to continue on this path of rushing things with the new guy and self destructing. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm so hurt, so depressed, and so confused. I hope I hear from her today so I know she's back to normal.

TL;DR: girlfriend broke up with me and is going off the deep end. I'm heartbroken and having trouble functioning.

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My (22F) boyfriend (22M) hangs up in the middle of the night and does not call or text back until the next day

My bf and I are long distance at the moment and we usually FaceTime after work. One thing he does (that I feel crazy for even being upset about, but it deeply upsets me and I just can’t identify why) is he’ll say “hey my phone is buggy/laggy I’m gonna reset my phone I’ll be back” I’ll say alright, then he hangs up and doesn’t respond until the next day. This has been going on for a while so a couple days ago I said “Can you please communicate if you don’t wanna talk after you reset your phone before you hang up. I don’t mind it’s just it leaves me on mental cliffhangers.“ he told me he was sorry and he’ll start communicating what he’s doing once he hangs up. Problem is It happened again at 11pm last night except he didn’t tell me the usual “I’m resetting my phone” he just said “I’ll be back” hung up, no call no text since then. This specific time bothered me even more because.I know leading up to him hanging up he was texting a close female friend. I have literally no proof there’s even a connection between the two events I’ll admit it, but I will say it’s got me suspicious. I need some advice on if this situation makes sense to even be upset about tbh

Tl;dr boyfriend hangs up on me at night, doesn’t call back until the next day. I need advice on if me being upset over this is overreacting

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Following serious marital issues 4 years ago, my husband (35M) has had two long-term affairs. I (35F) don't want a divorce but don't know if there's any way to make him stop

My husband and I both work in very stressful and demanding jobs and are in the same field. Earlier we worked at the same firm so we at least got lunch together and commuted to work together. But it hasn't been the case for the last 4 years. We are both in our mid 30s.

We have had our ups and downs. He asked me to go to couples counselling when our problems first began but I said no. I deeply regret this now.

Because he's been having affairs since then. I know that he was seeing a friend of his for a year. But then he stopped. However, since last year, he's been seeing another friend of his and he's away from home a lot more than he was with the previous affair.

I don't want to walk away from the marriage. I also love him very much. I do think he still loves me but things have changed a lot. I'm mentioning this because people often assume that if you are not financially dependent on a man and don't have kids, you should be able to leave without problems. But I don't want to.

However, I don't know if there's anything that will make him stop the serial affairs.

I never thought I would be that woman who would turn a blind eye but yet I have become that person.

Really need some advice.

TLDR: My husband and I hit a rough patch 4 years ago and he's had serial long-term affairs. Don't want to leave but don't know if I can really get him to stop.

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Today I was honest with my gf

This all happened an hour ago of me typing, my gf and Started dating in Highschool, and are currently dating in college, so today in a conversation with her, her friends, and a mutual friends, she brought up the topic of PDA, and how she always disliked PDA because she didn’t want to just be seen as u/Wonderful’s girlfriend, and all her friends laugh and say they understood but our mutual friend, I’ll call him Ryan, speaks up and says well it wasn’t communicated well on your end I guess huh. This statement makes everyone go quiet and when my girlfriend tried to pry, Ryan just told her to talk to me.

As everyone leaves she begins prying, at first I tell her it’s all in the past, but she really wants to know, and so as the prying got on I spilled, but I feel as I spilled I let out more than I had planned.

In the 2 years we were together I always found it odd how I could never hold hands with her in public, but with her guy friends she seemed so open, hugs, holding hands etc. Her hatred for PDA with me but the opposite with her friends always made me feel so less than, on top of that it always felt like I had to prioritize her. We had prom and everyone including my mom, made me ask her despite me not wanting to go, but I love how it’s an expectation for me but on her end she’s able to ditch me to go hang out with her friends. And sure her PDA acceptance got better as this year went on but it was only when the year had ended so it no longer mattered.

Then there’s also another one of her friends who I hate being around, but her reluctance to cut him off an always putting me in social situations with him has had me contemplating a break up every time. And when she asked me why I put up with all of this I just said, I’m her first relationship and she’s mine, I don’t really know what to do. I’ve liked her since the 6th grade, I worked so hard to get with her I don’t want to end it.

After the conversation she hasn’t spoken to me and is being very distant and I’m scared.

Tl;dr: I was honest with my gf about the last year of our relationship and how I’ve felt and she isn’t speaking to me

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MCPS, teachers union aim to reset relationship - BethesdaMagazine.com

MCPS, teachers union aim to reset relationship  BethesdaMagazine.com

* This article was originally published here

My girlfriend compares me to her sister

Hi,

I (F22) and my girlfriend (F24) have been together for over two years.

I'm a competitive powerlifter and I have been into the sport since I was fourteen and I still do it at present. It's been almost a decade and I'm soon hoping to travel and compete more. There is one exercise I can't do, however, and it is pull-ups, not because I don't have the strength, but because I have elbow injury that's been preventing me from doing certain exercises. Anyway, recently I tried seeking therapy and am now learning to do pull ups despite my injury. I can do about three (I weight 190 pounds, I'm just tall) and I'm so happy that I decided to share it with my girlfriend.

The problem it, my girlfriend has a sister (F16) who began doing light exercises two months ago. She can do three pulls ups as well but she is very light (under 100 pounds). My girlfriend always says how I must seek advice from her and stuff like this and I remind her that my injury doesn't cancel a decade of training (compared to her sister's two months). If anything, her sister regularly asks me what she could improve and reaches out to me for guidance.

Yesterday my girlfriend was happy to share she was accepted in academia for arts. I bought her a new purse, some accessories for arts hobby and baked her cookies to show my pride and appreciation. In the evening I shared that I did three pull ups and I was about to cry when she said "You should learn from my sister, she does three no problem! Why took you so long? She must be following some special plan you should too," I felt kind of hurt and said "Well, she doesn't deadlift 400 pounds like me too." And she said "Why compare her to you, you are heavier and have trained for a long time." And I said "That's the point why are you always comparing me to her?"

My gf tried defending herself my saying she just points out how proud she is of her sister and I just left and haven't been in the mood to talk. How do I proceed? She says she doesn't compare me to anyone but anytime I even clue about training she would begin "Oh, my sister just did that..."

Other example is when I went jogging and she said when I returned "my sister beats you with twenty seconds haha." She then said I could be jealous of her sister which was the cherry top.

Any advice?

TL;DR my girlfriend compares my advanced weightlifting experience with her sister who began two months ago. When I confronted her and asked her to notice my achievements more she said I'm jealous.

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Taylor Swift And Joe Alwyn's Astrological Compatibility, Explained - Women's Health

Taylor Swift And Joe Alwyn's Astrological Compatibility, Explained  Women's Health

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Does he still love me? Or should I move on??

I (25F) and my lover(31 M) both married but not to each other, fell in love somehow almost four years back. I already had a daughter with my husband and his marriage was upcoming while we fell for each other. It was a distressing situation cuz we loved each other but could not do anything about it. He proposed to me but I gave in soon cuz I have been feeling the same towards him during our chats. He is my husbands relative which makes it all the more complex since we will see each other probably for the rest of our lives. To make it worse , his wife found my texts soon after their marriage and we made her believe that it was a one side love. He pulled back and we stopped everything. We had nothing but few weeks of chatting and calling. I tried to move on and few years passed and I had another child. I almost moved on but never stopped loving him. But I was ok with it. The complication starts here. After a year or so since I had my baby, he came back to me saying he still loves me and can’t stop thinking about me. We started talking to each other during scraps of his time and once again I was completely into him and he too fell deeper in love with me. We both knew that there is no future to this but we wanted to make some memories for us. We met once and got somewhat intimate but I couldn’t enjoy it fully due to the given circumstances. He again started having problems with his wife since she saw some more of my texts. Still she was made to believe it was a one sided thing. The problem is he loves her and me and cannot think about losing her. I am so in love with him that I can’t bear to think of staying away from him. After all, we have only one life. He again pulled away from me and I am shattered. He says he loves me but can’t lose her. I can understand but I am devastated. I lost interest in everything. I can’t write the whole story here. This is only a vague summary.

TL;DR - I am in a difficult love situation where I cannot stay nor leave since we both are married individuals.What do I do? How do I move on? I will see him again during family meets and all , so how do I move on?

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My ex feels a way when I end the call

So my ex (M23) of a year broke up with me (F22) about a month ago. I took a week off to not contact him as the breakup came out of nowhere and I felt blindsided. 2 weeks ago we came back in contact and we are in somewhat of contact for like once a week. I don’t reach out to him, but he reaches out to me to check on me and what not (my grandma recently died so he calls to see how I’m doing).

I’ve realized that after we talk for a while and I don’t have anything else to say, I’ll tell him that I’m leaving the call now and that I hope he has a good day/evening. He’ll then say something along the lines of “oh you’re leaving the call?” Or he’ll say “Oh you’re going to go talk to your new man?” (I have not mentioned seeing anyone else to him but I am seeing other people). I don’t get it. I don’t feel the need to continue a long conversation as there is nothing else to talk about… why does he act so surprised when I tell him that I’m leaving the conversation? I know some may say I should stop contact with him but honestly I don’t have feelings anymore to where talking to him would make me feel some type of way. I’ve been distracting myself with work and other hobbies of life. Maybe I’m just overthinking. I appreciate the advice in advance

TLDR: My ex feels a way when I end the call when he broke up with me

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* This article was originally published here

Former student (37F)/Professor (35M) relationship professional suicide?

TL;DR I'm (35M) in love with a former student (37F). Would pursuing this relationship be career ending?

Throwaway for obvious reasons. I'm a relatively young lecturer with stable employment at a decent university. I enjoy my work and have good working relationships with other staff in my department as well as friendships with a few of them that have ended outside of work. Cutting to the chase, I have a former student who I have gotten close to through mutual friends outside of university. She graduated last year and has not been my student for about 18 months. She's a non-traditional student and is a couple of years older than me. We are both divorced with children from previous relationships. I have unexpectedly fallen for her and she has stated that she has feelings for me. She has moved to another, more prestigious university in a different field. Is there any way I could pursue this further without it being frowned upon and potentially ruining my and her reputation? She was a particularly brilliant student and well liked and remembered by my colleagues, so if this relationship were to work out it is not something I'd want to or be able to hide.

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* This article was originally published here

Double-date play dates are too much

TLDR: neighbors want to hang out with us all the time, we aren’t clicking with them friendship wise. We only have our kids in common. Neighbor husband is inappropriate and it overall just seems like not a good fit. ETA they are several houses down, not next door neighbors.

My husband (40-ish M) and I (30-ish F) have newer neighbors who come from a strict Christian background. Our toddlers happen to be the same age and play together well. They are nice people, but we are finding they’re a package deal. When a play date is suggested by either of us, they rush at the idea that we all hang out (spouses and kids). They always suggest we find sitters so we can go out for double dates without the kids too. We personally enjoy making time for double dates when it’s with really good friends of ours.

I am interested in making time for one-on-one mom/tot playdates. My husband has his friends that he is happy with and likes having good neighbors, but doesn’t want to be signed up to hang out with them all the time. And I respect it / agree with him.

To be blunt, at our ages my husband and I are busy with work, hobbies, our families and of course our toddler. We’re fortunate to have friends near and far that we make time for. We’re very social people, yet we are selective about who we spend our time with. That is how we live our life now and we’re happiest that way.

Our neighbors have been sounding kinda desperate to hang out, they will walk by our house all the time to see if we’re home and kind of just take up our space and time when they see us outside. Again, fine with that in small doses. We like hanging out with our own kid but without another family always coming over.

Fast forward to this week. The neighbor wife keeps texting me ideas of ways we can all to get together soon, all the time. They invited us over for a kid-free movie night at their house which is not our bag so I politely said no thanks we’re busy. They seem to want to have a play date every week and it’s just not something we can or want to make time for. I mentioned earlier that they are religious and it’s because my husband and I are very much not. We are open to having friends of all kinds, but we just don’t seem to click with them like we would the people we prefer to spend time with.

The neighbor husband makes a lot of inappropriate sexual jokes around us (and for being strictly religious I kind of see this as a red flag from my own experience/past religious upbringing). Our kids are usually within earshot of these jokes and are of age were they repeat everything they hear. His parenting style is also stressful because he’s constantly interrupting our conversations to verbally reprimand his kid for doing the same things my kid is doing at the moment (climbing safe things, screaming outside while playing, etc). I really like seeing the wife once in awhile, however they are a package deal.

From speaking to my husband, it feels like we both are doing them favor by hanging out with them rather than enjoying our visits like we do with our real friends. How do we let them down gently? I already told her we were very busy with our schedules and can’t make time for frequent play dates. They are persistent. I know they are newer to this area, the clingy-ness is getting to be too much. Thoughts?

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* This article was originally published here

Did i meet my girlfriend too soon?

Me (21M) and my girlfriend (22F) have been together for almost two years now. I have never loved anyone the same way i love her. We have a really stong connection and is almost a perfect match in my opinion. However i feel like I'm not done with "single life" yet. When i talk to my friends who uses tinder and hear about them meeting new people and trying somthing new, i get a bit sad that i might never get to experience that, in that capacity. Even my girlfriend whent on a short tinder streak before she meet me (she meet four different guys). I have tried tinder however not to that extent. I have meet up with one person from tinder. It is not that i havent had any previous partners, i have. I have just always know them before hand or something like that. I kinda just wanna see what it is like to have a couple of flings, and a couple of "quick meet ups", and experience that side of life. I had also planned to do this in my gap year which started just as i meet my now girlfriend so that never happend. I honestly dont know what to do. I am kinda jealous of my girlfriend, because she has tried exactly what i wanted. I really think what we have might be once in a lifetime kinda thing. But maybe we just meet too soon?

I don't know. I think i just needed to vent a little. If anyone has any advice or opinions about what to do, that would be appreciated.

*English is not my first language so sorry if it is a bit messy and hard to read.

Tl;Dr I think my girlfriend is the ONE, but i dont think i am done with "single life"

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* This article was originally published here

My friend ghosts me a lot, and I'm hurt, what do I do?

Friend: gender male, age 21 Me: gender nonbinary, age 21 Relationship length : 2 years

Context: I have severe anxiety and rejection sensitivity disorder due to being neglected and abused as a child Me and friend are 21 and we study the same course, we are on 3rd year and know each other 2 years

The first thing: my friend has this thing where he doesn't respond for a week sometimes or when I write to him he responds few days later. And it was OK for a while, he told me that this is normal for him. But I started to feel pushed back when I saw that he reads group chats, it made me wonder - his reason for not responding is that he needs like a timeout, but then why read group chats? I wouldn't overthink it so much but sometimes I need to talk because I'm feeling very bad and I just miss my friend because we haven't seen each other for a while. He usually doesn't respond or says he was busy which ok understandable, but there was so many of being busy that I'm starting to think it's not just that. Now don't get me wrong I don't call everyday or even every week. Yeah I text a lot, I'm very lonely because I live in toxic household and need some genuine human connection, so I like to send memes, photos of my animals, ask what's up and vent a bit about how I feel. I don't know maybe it's too much???

I was going on with it for 2 years, but everytime he didn't respond in few days i started over thinking a lot and I just felt like my brain is on fire from all this constant fear of being left out. I usually kept it in, almost never told him how bad it is because I know its my problem and guilt tripping won't do any good. Yeah sometimes in joking manor I said I was worried that something happened but never in accusatory tone.

But last few weeks I broke. I can't take this anymore. I have other friends, not such close ones but I talk to them about my feelings too because I don't want to overburden people because I know I can be too much. A lot friends including me have some exams to retake, my friend also had one which he has to pass to go on next year. I have one too but if I fail I can go further but its gonna be very hard with extra subject aka a but of stress is on everyone. This resulted in none of my friends talking to me for week or 2. Wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that I live in the country with toxic family.

That silence broke me, I had to come back to xanax because it was all to much and even though friend wrote the exam and saud it went well he only wrote to me once (it's been a week) and it's not like I want to write everyday, but like... I needed to talk, I needed help but he didn't answer my call (not the first time, a few times it happened actually). I wrote that I'm sorry I had super panic attack and I took xanax to help. Silence. So I just said to myself f_ck it. I don't want to be immature but I'm going to do that to all of my friends. I will not answer to any of them for 2 weeks and just ignore all of them.

I'm also doing it because I'm starting to rethink should I even have those friends since they cause so much pain in me. But then I would be alone and still had to see them everyday in class. I feel like I'm more invested in keeping up friendship then any of them and it hurts so much. I just want my friend back but I can't keep functioning like that. Him ghosting me from time to time because he doesn't feel like talking to responding or showing that he cares. I don't know anymore if he does. He said multiple times that he just won't ghost me and leave suddenly but I don't think he likes me as much as I like him.

It hurts so much, being alone, without anybody to talk to or help, feeling like a constant burden to everybody for texting /calling and them scarcely responding. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to have friends and not feel sh**ty all the time. Please help me i can't anymore live like this.

TL;DR! I have anxiety, my friend is very bad at responding to me especially when I need help with my mental health and I need to change that because idk how long we can be friends like that

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* This article was originally published here

Are we (29F, 31M) too different? TW mental health, longpost

I will preface this by saying I (29F) struggle with anxiety and depression following my childhood. I have sought therapy and continue to do so but I need to vent and ask for advice because you all give takes on things I never would have thought about.

I met my boyfriend about 2 years ago, through a mutual friend that I had a previous fling with. We connected through dinner dates at my and his parents place and began dating. He has been by my side despite my struggles at my previous job of many years and we agree on a lot of topics and can have good conversations.

I am an animal lover, I always have been and always will be. I have had both of my cats for almost 9 years now. My boyfriend and I got a dog last year and he reluctantly let me get another dog a few months back. All of our pets are shelter pets. Our cats are incredibly needy. One of them is almost always physically glued to me or yowling for attention. The other is constantly in your food or yowling for pets. The first dog is chill and doesn't need much attention. The second dog is a bit of a problem. She is quite affectionate and always wants attention. She battles for affection with the cats. She is difficult to take on walks as she is dog reactive on leash. My boyfriend has expressed multiple times that he hates her. I love this dog. I see the good in her and I definitely have more respect for animals than I do most people. She needed a home. I have tried to rehome her but no one is a good fit for her thus far. She has made a lot of strides with consistent training. We have a really small house. The cats have to be confined to the basement because they are conditioned to sleeping with me at night and they keep him awake. The silly 30lb dog has to be crated now because she wants to cuddle in bed at night and my bf can't sleep. I would have 10 animals in bed with me if they were all comfortable and happy.

My boyfriend's idea of a perfect day would be playing PC video games. Uninterrupted quiet and video games. I enjoy video games but find it hard to immerse myself in them. He will get frustrated if I am watching him game and end up looking at my phone or a book instead. My take is this: if the power goes out or servers are down and you have no way to play games, what's left for you to enjoy? My perfect day would be a breezy outdoor day with all of my pets with my just talking, snacking, or staring at the sky and planning for the future.

We have amazing sex although sometimes now I feel that I have to do it instead of wanting to in order to make that dedication to our relationship. A lot of the times it doesn't feel like we see eye to eye on anything and I usually come away from discussions with tears in my eyes and silence because I don't want to rock the boat with my opinions and thoughts.

He has been really depressed the past week and talking about it tonight he blames it all on the pets and that he never has a break from them. I told him that saying that makes me feel guilty and I don't know what he wants me to do. He said he doesn't want me to feel guilty, that he is just expressing how he feels.

We share the responsibility of caring for the pets. I do litterbox duty daily and buy all of their supplies/insurance/Healthcare. He feeds the dogs at night and takes them on a 10-15 minute walk once a day. I have tried time and again to convince him the dog park is fun (I go every other day with the dogs) or try to take longer walks because it's good for the dogs and us and he says he needs more down time. Prior to getting a new job a few months ago, I was able to bring the dogs with me to work to give him a little more downtime and I can't do that anymore.

I see couples and men at the dog park and have envy when they seem like they're truly enjoying their time with their dogs. My boyfriend sometimes does show affection towards the pets but the majority of the time it is dislike and annoyance. At the dog park he is constantly just on his phone and scrolling reddit. If I see a loose animal I will stop my plans, pull over and help the animal. He would drive by without a second thought.

I also sometimes find it hard to find empathy for him. I work 40-50 hours a week with silly clients, particularly coworkers, and many naughty pets. Along with this, I am going to school full-time to get out of this field. I also pet sit on the side. He works 40 hours a week at a nice job where he can listen to music and has his own workstation.

I have expressed a few times in the past that I would love a further commitment from him. He explains that that's not his style and it has nothing to do with lack of feelings or commitment just that is worried about divorce and messy financial outcomes. I on the other hand would love to wear a ring and be married and have that lifelong promise. I still believe that there is something concrete about that kind of love. I've given up talking to him about it because it seems like our values and wants from life just don't align.

My question is, do you guys think we are too different to stay together? I have never broken up with someone but it has been on my mind a lot. Am I forcing my values onto him and being too selfish?

Thanks everyone.

tl;dr I love animals and my boyfriend of 2 years is struggling with them. He LOVES video games and I could take them or leave them. I want more traditional commitment fron a partner and he does not. Are we too different to continue our relationship?

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* This article was originally published here

Why does my brother despise me?

Hello, I am looking for insight as to why my brother despises me. As of recently, I have noticed he wants nothing to do with me and everytime I look in his eyes I see hatred. The only time this is not true is if he needs something from me, he knows that all he has to do is be nice to me and seem excited to do something with me since I long for that from him. He does his best to avoid me around our small residence, he will deliberately not enter the room if I am in it and then the second I leave it he will finally come in to do what he needs(I have just realized this is a pattern that he constantly repeats). He is sabotaging furniture around our house and leaving messes everywhere. He seems apathetic and depressed. He recently got really involved with hanging around bad kids his age and they have only encouraged him to do more drugs. He is extremely addicted to drugs and it seems that is the only thing he lives for nowadays. He is depressed 24/7 unless his buddies offer to hang to with him and smoke/do other more extreme drugs. Those kids use my brother for free food/transportation(with my mothers car) and in return my brother gets weed and companionship. Recently, he returned the car one night with damage and vehemently denied having anything to do with it. Personally, I am against drugs and he knows this, therefore I do not tolerate it in my presence and tell our mother about it when he is doing it since it’s her house. Our father, whom he has completely cut off, finally started drug testing him(he is extremely against drugs) and when he tested positive he told him that he will test him everyday, after that my brother cut him off. He treated our father like he treats me now before he cut him off.

TLDR: brother wants nothing to do with me, do not know why?

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* This article was originally published here

My (F35) boyfriend (M36) thinks we should both "settle" for each other and stop thinking we could do any better than each other

I know this is strange, but I've been with someone for four years, though for the first two it was very "options open," and we weren't exactly free to date other people, but didn't have a strong commitment bto one another either.

We moved in together after that, mostly for financial reasons, and for much of the time he would make remarks about how attractive he found other girls, how I really wasn't his "type," how we wouldn't be as serious as we were if it weren't for us living together. You get the picture.

Well, now he's done sort of a "180," if you will, but sort of not.

He wants us to commit to each other for the rest of our lives because "everyone else sucks" and "you can't trust other people" and "neither one of us will ever do any better."

How romantic, huh?

I laughed and told him to speak for himself and that no one knows what the future holds.

I've had enough of his little "dings" over the years and don't want to be with someone so belittling forever.

I can't afford to move out, but I don't want him getting any more "attached" and comfortable. I feel like that's what's driving his sudden "change of heart," if you can even call it that.

So what should I do? It's freaking me out that suddenly he's decided I should be his permanent partner, and given me pretty crummy reasons for why that should be.

TL;DR: boyfriend of 4 years trying to convince me to "settle" and I am not enthused.

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* This article was originally published here

how soon is too soon to say "I love you"?

Me (20F) and my bf (23M) have been dating for a month, but we've seen eachother a lot and I even slept at his house a couple of times already, so it feels like we've known eachother for much more time. But anyhow, Im really developing some serious feelings for him by seeing him basically everyday. I would really want to tell him I love him, but Im afraid its too soon and I never ever said it to anyone romantically. Should I tell him? When do you usually say it?

TL;DR : I feel the need to tell my bf I love him but idk if its the right time.

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* This article was originally published here

M(26) ghosted me (F26) after nice first date

I was talking to a guy for several weeks on a dating app before we met. We discussed our beliefs and the basic background stuff (what we do, our hobbies etc). All throughout our messaging the guy would talk about things we should do together in the future. All throughout the date, up till right before we left, he spoke as if he was planning to see me again and had enjoyed his time.

We were not physically intimate during the date other than a hug at the start and end. It did come out during our conversations that he had more relationship experience, and probably more sexual experience than me (I have never been in a relationship before). He mentioned during the day that his love language was physical touch.

He told me to text him when I got home. When I got home, I texted him, told him I enjoyed meeting him and asked him to send me a pic we had taken together that day. That was Saturday night, now it is the Monday after and he never replied. I followed up once with another text saying how I enjoyed the day and would love to meet again but if not can appreciate the day for what it was - the opportunity to explore a new place and meet a new friend.

Maybe it’s my inexperience but the ghosting has really thrown me for a loop and made me angry and unsettled. It’s so shitty to cut off contact instead of sending a simple text saying “I had fun, but I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship right now” or something to that extent. I feel like I did something wrong to warrant the ghosting, although I know I probably didn’t.

Maybe I wasn’t as physical as he hoped (I wanted to be more physical, but knowing I didn’t know him well I was very careful to hold back).

Why might this guy have ghosted me? Not being physically affectionate?

TL;DR:

Guy (M26) ghosted me (F26) after what seemed to be a very nice first date. We joked around, had similar beliefs and values, and the whole time the guy spoke as of he was planning to meet again. It came out that he had a lot more relationship experience than me, and I was not very physically affectionate during the date after he stated his love language was physical affection. Might this be why I was ghosted?

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* This article was originally published here

The big idea: why relationships are the key to existence - The Guardian

The big idea: why relationships are the key to existence  The Guardian

* This article was originally published here

I think I'm in a toxic relationship.

Me(23f) and my husband (24m) have been together for 3 years. We started long distance and then later I moved into his family's home, but now we currently live with my older sister and younger brother.

My husband has always been very family oriented, he has 5 siblings, 4 sisters and 1 younger brother. He is the oldest. I have a very small family. 1 older sister and 1 younger brother.

When i moved in with him and his family i quit my job and gave up on the apartment i was going to rent to move to another state where hes from. Don't get me wrong I don't have anything against small towns but it's a lot different then living in a city your whole life. My husband quit his job right before i moved and a few weeks after i got there he told me to get a job. Later i had applied to more than 4 places and no one would take me. Theres also no jobs there so it was difficult to even find a place to apply to.

My husbands family was very nice when I first met them, but I soon realized that they were very different then anyone I knew. The only way I can describe them is that they have big egos. Maybe it's wrong for me to say that but I have no other way of explaining. When I would try becoming friends with his sisters I would tell them my interests which i admit are kinda nerdy, like web design. They would reply why? Like as in why would like like that hobby. At the time it didn't bother me because I just thought they just didn't really understand. But they would always question things about me but not in a curious way but in a more demeaning way. My family and my friends, we all would laugh at ourselves. They would not. I remember one time me and my husband were wearing pink and yellow and his sister said we looked like SpongeBob and Patrick and I thought that was funny because we really did but after she said that she covered her mouth like she said something rude and my husband glared at her while his other sister laughed at us. At that point I realized that we view things very differently. I'm a shy introverted person, so things like this kind of made it hard to continue talking to them. The thing that made me realize that I really did not want to be friends with his sisters is that they would talk about me behind my back say I'm weird or I don't try to be their friend. Later he resented me and told me i never tried to be friends with his family. One day I was playing a video game with my husband. We were in different rooms. I could hear through his mic his sister talking to him and she said "she's bad isn't she" and My husband would reply "nah" which made me feel better but this would happen a lot where they would throw jabs at me and my husband would reply simply at them with a no or nah. Maybe this is the part where I'm sensitive but I wished he would've just told them to stop.

I was very depressed at the time because I knew no one but everyone knew everyone there and they people I knew would talk to me like that. Anyway I finally convinced my husband to move with me back to where I was living, but not having a job we couldn't get our own place. So my sister was kind enough to let us rent an apartment with her. Right when I moved I got a Job and started paying rent while also saving up for a car because we don't have one. I let my husband stay at home because I knew that he had just moved to a new state and it would be hard to get a job. During this time we decided to get married. We only got married at s courthouse with a few close family members. I resent my husband a lot for this because even though I asked for a wedding ring his response was he didn't have money, which was true but I've explained to him I don't want an expensive ring, it could be anything I just want something to represent our marriage. Even now that he has a job I don't think he's thought of getting one. Throughout our married he seems to be micro managing me. When we're playing games he tells me how, even though I've been playing the same game with him for years now. He'll lose his temper and yell at me a lot. Last night we were playing a game and I realize that I yell a lot playing a game because I get heated but he's always saying you're yelling and calm down, it kind of ruined the experience for me. Like I can't feel any emotion around him. I got a new headset and I'll sometimes put thr mic too close to my mouth because I speak low and he says your "breathing into the mic.", "i can hear you breathe". It's a little embarrassing especially when we're playing with our friends. Also when i tell him things that's I'm 100% sure about and he'll still won't listen and question whether I'm right.

The thing I hate the most that he does is that I think he hates family or finds them annoying. When we all hang out it's never positive, he always has to say something mean to my little brother or he'll just get visibly annoyed with my sister just because she likes planning this out or she won't realize that she did something wrong or she just telling her interests. He never tries to talk to them and idk if he's just doing it out of petty because I don't talk to his sisters or if he just really doesn't like them. What really annoys me is that he'll just assume the worst in them. Like my younger brother can be forgetful and not do things and before it happens my husband will be like "he's not going to do it right" or my sister "she's not going to put gas in the car" basically calling them lazy or bad. But the thing is that he's wrong because 8/10 times they always end up doing it.

Reading this you're probably questioning why I'm I still in this relationship. Well it's easy to just point out the bad things but he does good things that make me think loving him is worth it. I just don't know if that's how toxic relationships are. I genuinely think he thinks this is normal behavior especially if his family is the same way.

Tl;DR: My husband likes to micro manage me and yells at me a lot when he is annoyed. He thinks my family's annoying while also resenting me for not becoming friends with his sisters because they would talk rudely about me behind my back.

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* This article was originally published here

Boyfriend reveals his true colors when I make him mad that its scary

I've(23F) been with my boyfriend(21M) for a long one year. The whole year wasn't really all that good and he did a lot of shady stuff in the relationship i never understood. One would be him telling me he is busy and disappeared on me for a couple of days. I always had a feeling he was cheating on me but couldn't accuse him because i never seen it with my own eyes. Usually when we argue he wouldn't say much because he once told me he could say some things he know could hurt my feelings. Now when we argue he drops some things hes done behind my back. We had a total of 3 arguments that led to him showing his true color.

A few times in the past i would make him mad and he would say these things but will tell me it was a joke and it was only said to make me mad but it turns out they weren't really jokes. He then will bring up how i made him angry in the past that caused him to do these things. The first argument i made him mad and he admitted that he had slept with another girl. I didn't believe it but he showed me proof. And for the past few months before all of that, he's been telling me hes tired of me and our relationship and that im not attractive to him. Even though he said they were jokes, he didnt want to break up. We broke up after i found out he slept with another girl and i completely ghosted him for a few months. Still he found other ways to contact me and apologize. We got back together and had a second argument. He told me he had nudes of me but said it was a joke when we got done arguing. Only for us to argue again the next day and reveal that he ACTUALLY did have nudes of me. He deleted them when we made up. We got into it again two days ago and now he admitted he was tired of me again and he was messing around with a coworker at his job but hasn't shown me proof. It feels as though he doesnt like me anymore but doesnt want to break up. And if i do try to break up, he threatens me. What do I do?

​

Tl;DR: my boyfriend use to never argue back in the past because he told me he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Several months into the relationship he argues back and reveals how he feels about the relationship and stuff hes done behind my back. He slept with other girls and is still looking for more. He is tired of the relationship but doesn't want to leave me alone.

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* This article was originally published here

My sister wants help

She is 20 years old. She wants to marry guys she meets twice then in a week she doesn’t care about them. She breaks their heart because she is SOOOO into them after meeting them a few times, thinks and tells them that they are beautiful inside and out, then one day she will wake up and be not bothered about them at all. She was crying to me about it and saying she feels incapable of love. She sleeps around a lot now and still goes on about soulmates etc despite feeling unlovable. She’s in therapy for depression (she says her therapist is useless and refuses to take antidepressants) and hates both mum and especially dad. She says she hates men in general. (apart from her most recent ex who she says was an angel but she just lost interest in (he stuck around being her friend after she ghosted him, they got back together, then she slow ghosted him and told him what her problem was. I feel bad for him because I have an ex who did the same to me lol.) does she have a disorder or something? Deep down she is so sad but just moves through life at 100 mph and is constantly into the next thing and forgetting the past. I feel it’s all gonna catch up to her soon and she will attempt suicide again if she can’t break this cycle. Any ideas ?

TLDR: I’m very concerned about my depressed sister who is having relationship troubles where she can’t stay interested for long in people she claims to be ‘obsessed with’. She is very sad about it. She could have any man in the world, desperately wants love, but stops herself getting it

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I (M25) feel insecure about girlfriend's (F27) ex being in her friend group

Hey guys, need some advice on this since I don't want to fuck this up.

New girl I'm dating and she's amazing and I really like her. We always have a great time together and I feel like I'm falling in love with her every day.

She has an ex with with whom she was together for 8 years (they got together when she was 16) - they broke up 2 years ago cause he cheated on her. They're also in the same friends group so they see each other from time to time (its weird for me that they meet considering he cheated on her) but other people in the group also have exes as friends and its normal for them. I just find it very weird because I have never been in this situation before and also me and my friends' group could never do this.

Last time the friends were meeting she told me the ex would be there as well. No issue she told me so no big deal.

She's been really excited to go to this festival with her best friend and during some conversation about the festival I asked her if she's gonna know other people there cause she was telling me about this festival for a few weeks cause she was excited for it (Showed me the setup and flyer and always showed me the updates etc.). She said some other acquaintances will be there and friends of friends etc.

The other day, we were together and she always uses her phone openly in front of me and never got a feeling she's hiding something or being shady. Her best friend was gonna come over and they were gonna drive to the festival together and drop me off for my train on the way. I see that she gets a text on her phone and its her ex who asks her if they should save them a parking place cause the places might be taken soon. I felt really shitty when I saw that cause she told me last time he was gonna be there and this time she didn't even mention it. I don't wanna sound insecure or some shit but this shit is bugging me. Also, she told me and showed me (it said on the festival flyer) that there might be limited service cause of the area so be prepared etc. I just felt really bad connecting these things and imagining something terrible.

When I confronted her, she felt really bad and said she should have told me that he was gonna be there as well. She told me my feelings were valid and I wasn't being insecure. She also said she doesn't like to mention the ex in front of me because obviously I wouldn't react positively to it. We didn't really get to talk so much about it cause her best friend showed up and we had to leave.

I feel like she's really into me - I've met some of her friends, she sends pics of us to her mom and I've also met her coworkers on multiple occasions.

I've tried to get back into dating properly after my previous relationship and this shit is just killing me. She felt really bad and is still texted me while at the festival (doesn't matter, I know) and she said she wants to solve this - she also suggested she could block his number or something it makes it easier for me but I didn't want that obviously either since if it's not going to effect us, and they're all friends it makes sense they see each other from time to time.

When we met again, we talked about it and I told her how this is eating me up from inside and she totally understood my feelings. She said we're gonna spend more time together so naturally she will see her friends less and the ex will fade away. She also said she feels nothing for her ex at all and it's been 2 years since they broke up. She also invited me to her friend's birthday party next month where he's gonna be there too. I said yes, I will be there with you. Maybe it helps seeing their lack of anything in person.

So two things - do you think I'm being insecure or do I have enough reason to worry about this?

Second thing: Regardless of whats happening, do you think this insecurity will keep killing me? And also how can I deal with this going forward not just with her but also if this doesn't work out in general with other future potential partners too? I would be just scared to date if I fuck this up so I'm really scared and overthinking it a lot.

Please be brutally honest and also guide me on what to plan for both of us so this doesn't become a problem for us. What signs should I look for?

tl;dr - started dating this girl recently and her ex with whom she had a long term relationship with is still in his friends circle and I feel insecure

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